Ask Afrobella — Growing Up Afrobella

I got a question last month that made me smile. Here tis —

Hi Afrobella,

L

Hey L — love your question. Obviously there’s no way I could ever recommend straightening your little bella’s hair, ESPECIALLY not now — she’s only four years old!!! That’s old enough to be own-way and finicky about how her hair is combed, but waaaaay too early to consider using creamy crack on her tender scalp. The same chemicals that remove the kink from natural afro-textured hair, are used in harsh household products like Drano, which you use to de-clog your sink. Would you slather that on your little one’s head? Or your own, for that matter? Millions of women of color do just that, in order to alter the texture of their hair as it naturally grows. And we pass these messages along to our kids, thereby reinforcing a message that their natural hair is unkempt, unattractive, and unfit for public eyes. It’s kind of insane, if you really stop to consider it. OK, I’ll get off the soap box and answer your question!

I’ve been seeing more and more little afrobellas wearing their hair wild and free. On that note, allow me to introduce you to my favorite new model on the Trinidadian scene — my niece, little afrobella Dominique! Here she is, posing off on the beach for an advertisement for Trinidad clothing company Westport. My favorite little afrobella is such a big girl now! She’s going to pre-school, and the other day she sang “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” for her aunty Afrobella over the phone. YAY! (Click here here and here to see earlier photos of little miss gorgeous). Little afrobella Dominique is going to be three soon, and she’s got such a big bright personality. It goes with her big, beautiful hair!

I had to ask her mom — my sister-in-law, Lindsay, what they were using at home to keep her hair combed and presentable.

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Ask Afrobella — A $5 Makeover??

If you’ve been on this Afrobella journey with me for any length of time, hopefully you’ll realize — I am all about bellas on a budget. I believe that just about every woman wants to feel beautiful every now and then, whether they’re stacking lots of paper, or struggling to get by. These almost-recession days aren’t easy, and some of those glossy magazines would have you believe that beauty products need to cost you a pretty penny. But I’ll tell you this — you don’t need to buy all your products at Sephora to be gorgeous. There are often bargains to be had at the drugstore, or even right in your own pantry. Having said that, I also think it’s important to recognize that sometimes, you get what you pay for. Take for example, this recent Ask Afrobella question.

Dear Afrobella,
I just found your blog. I am in a wedding in two weeks. I have been told by the bride(zilla) that we can either do our own make or she will have someone there to do our make up for $5. So I’m like, what kind of make up are they doin for 5 bucks? I am worried that this make up chick will have me looking crazy, but I’m not confident that I can do my own make up.
The only make up I own is lipstick and I don’t have an appropriate color for a wedding, I don’t think. I generally prefer dark lipstick. I would just go without make-up and just wear lipstick and mascara, but I don’t want to look odd against the other bridesmaids. I’m a full-time student so I can’t afford to spend a lot on make-up, especially that I won’t wear everyday. Should I let the $5 lady do my make up? Go to the drug store and get some stuff and do my own? I don’t even know what to get or how to apply it. Or just go without and put on some lipstick? I have dry skin. I get a few pimples on my forehead and chin around my period. I’ve attached a pic so you can see what I’m working with. I’m just wearing lipgloss.
Y

OK, so I didn’t post Y’s photo in the interest of protecting her privacy — wouldn’t want the bride-to-be to find out that she’s a bridezilla on the internet! But just so you know, this is a lovely, luminous bella with wonderful chocolate brown skin. She’s got her hair pulled back with a head wrap, and from the photo, her skin’s got nary a blemish. So Y, my first bit o’ advice is, you’re naturally beautiful so don’t worry about comparing or looking odd next to the other bridesmaids. It’s entirely possible that this makeup artist is an apprentice, an amateur, or a professional family friend who’s offered an insanely affordable price…? I dunno, $5 is pretty cheap if you ask me, so I can understand your skepticism. I’ve never heard of a professional makeup artist who’s that affordable. I’d be interested to know how that turns out for the other bellas in the bridal party. So for the wedding, I’d advise you wear some fabulous accessories, and with these basic makeup tips, you’ll be the one of the loveliest ladies in the room (besides the bride, of course)!

I think it would probably stand you in good stead just to have some basic ideas of how to wear makeup in your arsenal, lest there isn’t a makeover artist handy. But we’re trying to not spend more than oh, let’s say $20. $25, tops. So let’s go to the drugstore!

I am a big believer in eyeliner, and I really think a bold eye could set this wedding look apart from your everyday style. First stop, Milani. Did you already guess? I really like this super cheap makeup line. The colors actually stand out on women of color, unlike many other drugstore brands. I seriously rock their eyeliner almost daily, and I get compliments on them all the time. So first you might want to consider the color of your bridesmaid gown. Is it bold, or is it demure? Either way you might want to start with basic black or dark brown liner along your lower lash line, and I think the new Color Brilliance eyeliners are the bomb. They glide on effortlessly, and the pencil is soft but doesn’t break easily. The black pencil is my new daily eyeliner. Love it. Also, I might be partial because I’m a Pisces, but I think aqua shades look divine on brown skin. Just lining your top lid with a thin splash of color could be a fun way to jazz up the wedding day. If I’m not using some kind of primer, I usually lightly powder my eyelid before applying eyeliner. And trust me when I tell you, that aqua pencil is FIRE. And Milani being Milani, there’s no website that tells you the exact cost, and they’re not sold on Drugstore.com… But I will guarantee you that these are less than $4 a pop.

OK, maybe you aren’t quite ready for blue eyeliner, LOL. I always tend to reach for brights, and they’re not for everyone. For a more subtle way to dazzle, consider using a touch of golden shimmer on your eyelid.

I am partial to Physician’s Formula Shimmer Strips — they’re flattering, user friendly, and can be used as bronzer, blush, and eyeshadow… but I pretty much only use them as eyeshadow. I love the warm, golden pink shades — just applying a little to your eyelid, then lining your upper lash line with black could really make your eyes pop. This Temptalia look will give you an idea of what I mean, close up. Temptalia has great makeup tips in general, and if you’re not sure which part of the eye to apply makeup to, their eye diagram is tremendously helpful.

Now. On to the rest of your face!

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Ask Afrobella — Curly, Coily, Kinky, or Coarse

I had a really interesting experience recently. Picture this. It’s a Wednesday afternoon, I’d just finished my deadline for work. About to have a window of downtime before the cycle picks up again… Then my editor-in-chief calls and asks me to represent our newspaper on a panel at a meeting of the South Florida Black Journalists Association. I immediately said no problem, got myself together, and headed over to the venue. I had absolutely no idea what I was heading into, and I’m so glad I went. The evening turned out to be really interesting and I met a lot of cool people — fellow journalists, members of the audience, business owners.

At the end of the question and answer session, I was swarmed by people who wanted to introduce themselves, and to exchange business cards and stuff. A few people told me they’d heard of Afrobella, but had no idea I was local. Some people just wanted to ask me about my site, some people wanted to ask me about that novel I’m writing… good grief. Every time I think of my novel, I hear the voice of Stewie Griffin in my head.

So anyway, at the end of the business card bonanza, I stepped out of the crowd and wound up chatting with some media peeps. Then a tall, striking, beautiful black woman approached me to talk about hair. And the fact that she wanted to go natural, but couldn’t. Why? “My hair isn’t like yours. It wouldn’t look good natural.” She wore her hair short and relaxed, but in that stage where my old hairdresser would advise me to “touch up my roots.” “Are you kidding me? What does that mean?” I asked her. I tried to tell her that I disagreed with her sentiment. I told her a little about my own transitioning period, and that it took my hair a long time to recover from years of chemicals. I had to teach myself how to style, shampoo, and care for my natural hair. I told her that I was sure if she gave it a shot and stuck it out, she’d grow to love her hair in its natural state. “That’s easy for you to say,” she said.

She kept asking me how I got my hair to “do that.” I explained that I really didn’t do anything to it, it’s really just how it naturally grows out of my head. Some parts spiral perfectly, other parts are more kinky and own-way, some curl down, some stick up. Some of it feels soft to the touch, others feel as tough as rope, depending on when I’ve last conditioned it. That day, I didn’t even comb through in the shower — all I’d done was conditioner washed it, added some Elasta QP Mango butter moisturizer, and sped over to the venue as fast as I could. I even air-dried it with my windows down. She said she liked the natural style and the look, but she was adamant that it didn’t look good on her. Once again she reiterated, her hair wouldn’t be attractive in it’s natural state. Here’s where it got kind of vague.

She was asking me how best she should style her hair so it could “look like mine,” because her hair didn’t curl up when she did briefly try to go natural. She told me she didn’t like her natural hair when she just washed it and used a styling product. But she didn’t want to do twists to achieve the curly style she described, and it annoyed her that every quite-unquote natural stylist she went to insisted that she do twists to get what they thought she wanted. OK. So… your hair doesn’t grow naturally in spirals, but you want it to, but you don’t want to twist it? She looked at me, expectantly. But I honestly had no idea how to answer her question… or even what her question really was. I explained that even though I call myself Afrobella and I write about hair issues and do product reviews, I am SO not a hair dresser, or a hair care professional. I haven’t tried a range of natural styles, and I’m not intimately familiar with a wide range of natural hair textures. I just do what works for me, and I let people know what’s working and what’s not.

I chatted with her for quite a while and tried to explain that her hair is beautiful in its natural state, all she needed to do was to give natural another try. Stick with it, don’t give up, and take the time to make sure your hair is healthy — that’s the most important thing. I even recommended some products she should try. She didn’t seem moved. Then I realized that I couldn’t convince her of anything. I was basically trying to talk someone into loving their hair, and it felt like preaching, so I stopped. I didn’t know how to make her believe that her her hair was beautiful, or to make her understand that everyone’s natural is different, and her hair could be unique, beautiful, healthy, and strong — if only she let go of her preconceived notions of what natural hair “should” look like. It felt so strange having someone act like my own hair was their gold standard, after the comments and criticism I’ve faced in my own natural journey. I absolutely horrified my family when I decided to stop using the creamy crack completely. People have called me Brillo-pad head. To this day, I still get the occasional “what are you going to do with that bird’s nest” comment from people who have known me for a long time. And even now when I am a proud and self-described Afrobella, sometimes I still have fleeting moments of doubt. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, comb through it, add product, look at myself in the mirror, and feel a quavering in my self-confidence meter. Is my hair too big? Too puffy? Too crazy for work? That’s when I put on more lip gloss, add some jewelry, and convince myself I’m the flyest chick on the scene before I leave the house. I wanted to tell this lady that she had to believe in her own beauty and learn how to own her fro on her own terms, but I didn’t have the presence of mind, the energy, the time, or the knowledge to say what I think she needed to hear. So, I went to an expert.

Bellas, I’d like to introduce erin shell anthony, author of Nappturosity — How to Create Fabulous Natural Hair and Locs. Erin has conducted over 200 presentations on health, natural lifestyles and related empowering topics around the country in the last 3 years, and is the creator and founder of the adaru natural hair salon in Indianapolis. She has seen it all, and produced an e book that is chock full of photos and guidance to keeping your hair naturally beautiful.

I asked her my Ask Afrobella non-question — what would she say to a woman who is convinced that she can’t go natural? She said this.

“To the women who don’t think they can go natural because their hair isn’t __(fill in the blank)_, or those who are having a hard time loving their natural hair, I say - FIND the beauty! Countless women who successfully transitioned to natural hair had to go through the process of discovering the beauty in their own kinks and curls. The very essence of the word “transition” is movement and change from one state to another. For many, it’s going to feel very un-natural to be natural in the beginning! It doesn’t matter how many supportive women, books, or magazines you have, the experience will still be solely yours.”

AMEN, Erin!!! She said it so much better than I could.

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Ask Afrobella — That Furry Feeling

I am ashamed at how long it’s taken me to slog through these Ask Afrobellas. I need an intern! I am literally drowning in e mail. Mea maxima culpa, bellas who have asked questions in 2008. I will make it up to you! Here’s one I’ve been meaning to get to from a regular reader.

Bella-

I am happy to actually feel comfortable enough to send you a question. Sometimes while reading the posts on your site, I hear “i know that’s right” in the background of my mind. I truly value your opinion as someone who has devoted quite a bit of time to help strangers with their beauty predicaments. I recently became engaged and am completely overwhelmed with happiness. But now the emotions of planning the wedding have rushed in so quickly that I sometimes forget that it is supposed to be a joyous occasion.

Lauren

Lauren, girl - I hope I made this answer in time for the wedding! The weeks have become months and just flown by. I am so sorry for taking so long to write back. BUT in that time, I’ve been doing quite a bit of personal research on the topic of hair removal, so I’ve got answers for you!

Before I dive headfirst into answering, I gotta say… the topic of body hair removal has been surprisingly touchy on this blog in the past. The decision of whether or not to shave your legs, or to wax the hair off your body, goes directly against some natural women’s definition of “natural.” I respect that completely. I won’t let a chemical straightener touch the hair on my head, but I’ll willingly slather on Nair anywhere else? It’s an inconsistency that I think about often. Also, it goes against the sensibilities of most feminists — why should we conform to male standards of beauty? Why is looking like a prepubescent girl the standard for women in Western society? The Europeans don’t do it, so why should we? All good, valid questions that are worth considering before you make a decision.

So why do I choose to inflict pain on myself and remove my body hair? Because I love feeling clean. I love feeling smooth and pretty and feminine, and for me, hair removal adds to that. My husband loves it, and he does things to make me happy, and I know this makes him happy. If I’m going to the beach, I don’t want to be worried about having a hairline if you know what I mean. If I’m wearing a skirt, I want to know my legs go well with the general appearance of manicured beauty I try to present from head to toe. I’ve got quite a few reasons why I choose to wax, thread, and shave away unwanted body hair. You should consider yours before you take any kind of plunge. OK — having said all of that, let me tell you what works!

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Worth A Click

Here’s a random assortment of the Afrobella-related issues I’ve been meaning to address…

One Door Opens Where Another Door Closes —

Today at 1 p.m., New York Governor Designate David Paterson will be sworn in before the State Legislator, effectively ending Eliot Spitzer’s in-office shame spiral. Thus far, the result of this whole incident has been history-making — Paterson will be the first African-American governor of New York, and only the fourth African-American governor of a U.S. state in history. He is legally blind, and is also an unwavering Clinton supporter. In the whirlwind of scandal, life is about to change dramatically for him and his family, and the burdens of responsibility will be placed squarely on his capable, well-respected shoulders. Congratulations to Governor Paterson! Here’s hoping he’s steeled himself for a strong dose of overnight political celebrity, and the scrutiny that’s bound to come with that. He certainly seems to be the best man for the job right now.

Spring Shopping Spree

Having just turned one-year-closer-to-the-big-three-o, I’m having all kinds of swirling emotions about this new age I’ve found myself at. It’s all expressing itself as a deep burning need for a fabulous new wardrobe. Will all of my age crises manifest themselves this way? Lane Bryant hopes so!

I have such a love/hate relationship with the LB. One one hand, I completely agree with Too Fat For Fashion (love that blog!), LB seems to specialize in loud prints, muumuu shaped tent tops, and generally uninspiring dresses and shirts — the kind of thing I’ve sworn not to wear. But on the other hand, their wide leg pants (like these) are incredibly flattering, and make for a great, effortless day-to-evening wardrobe staple. (Has anyone tried the Secret Slimmer pants? Are they worth the money?) Lane Bryant does basics pretty decently, and these days, I’m all about the basics. Oh, and BTW, LB’s currently hosting the “Closet of Your Dreams” sweepstakes, and if you enter you could win a closet makeover by ClosetMaid (valued at $2,500), a Lane Bryant wardrobe (valued at $2,500), and help from a personal shopper. Click here for details.

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Ask Afrobella — Help For the Shiny Bella

For some of us, it’s a perennial problem. For others, it crops up when the weather grows warmer and humidity rises in the air. An attack of the shinies is never cute, and it’s very common among women of color. Here’s a recent Ask Afrobella question about what we in Trinidad call “fry bake syndrome.”

Hi Afrobella!

–
Storme

Oh Storme, I bet you’d be hard pressed to find a comment from a reader here who can’t identify with you. Combination skin that’s extra oily (especially in the t-zone) is a blessing that many black women have. Yeah, I said blessing. You know that saying, “black don’t crack?” The phrase refers to the benefits of melanin, which gives us better natural protection from the sun and lower risk of skin cancer. The natural oils and moisture in our skin means we tend to age beautifully, without deep wrinkles or crow’s feet. So you don’t want to blast away the oil and completely dry out your face with harsh products; what you want to do is tame the greasy beasties with skin care and cosmetics, while maintaining your skin’s natural moisture.

It all starts with a cleanser. This How Stuff Works article recommends keeping your skin “squeaky clean.” I respectfully disagree. Squeaky is not how I want my skin to feel. Discovery Health recommends washing your face up to three times a day to remove excess oil, but for someone who’s gotta work or be at school all day, that isn’t exactly feasible. That’s why I still use Cetaphil, but recently, I have been using Neutrogena Rapid Clear Oil-Control Foaming Cleanser. I always wind up going back to Neutrogena cleansers at some point, and I really like this one. It rinses super clean, leaves my face refreshed, smooth and ready for the typical creams and moisturizers I use, and keeps me relatively oil-free for the first half of my day.

I will never forget my interview with Iman, where she recommended her product UnderCover Agent Oil Control Lotion for bellas who just wanna be matte. It really is the business. I know for a fact you can get it at Ulta and JC Penney… but I have NO idea why it isn’t boldly featured on her website. She absolutely raved over this stuff! I got a bottle for like $12 at Ulta a while back, and on Miami’s hottest days, I use it on my T-Zone to make sure I stay as fly as possible. If you’re looking for a cheap drugstore oil free moisturizer, I keep hearing amazing things about Neutrogena Oil-Free Fresh Moisture Ultra-Light Moisturizer. Can’t hurt to try, right?

Now on to your foundation question. I recently interviewed makeup artist James Vincent for my new blog Pretty in the City, and he had some really interesting perspectives on coverage for women of color. Let it be known, James is boldly outspoken against the mineral makeup trend.

“First of all, all makeup is mineral makeup; there isn’t a product on the market that doesn’t use minerals. But this current crop is such a hit with women because it’s very easy. It gives a flawless look because all of these minerals are different shapes and sizes, and they reflect and refract light very differently and gives the skin a perfect look – almost a halo effect. It blurs everything out. And what happens when you put a flash on it, the light from the flash is reflecting off those particles and you get a lighter, gray, or ashy look. You see that with some powder foundations. Titanium dioxide is a color protectant that blocks the sun’s light. So when you take a photo, that burst of light makes your face look lighter and unnatural. So a lot of women are heartbroken when they go out looking flawless to their event, and then, let’s say when they get their wedding pictures back, they look insane. Especially for women of color, it’s become a real misconception because you see these women on TV getting this makeup done and it looks flawless because it’s a moving camera,” he explained to me. Hence, previous photos of me where I look like gray death.

So what does James recommend? “I see Latin and African American women dealing with coverage, and they think they need to create a finished canvas from hairline to jawline. For me, that’s not what it is. It’s dealing with the problem areas and focusing on the center of the face where most women have discoloration; then blending the makeup out from there. That will keep you looking younger, fresher, and keep the neck and the face matching so you don’t get that ashy look,” he says.

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Ask Afrobella — Easy, Breezy, Beautiful… Worth It?

Heyo!

I got a recent Ask Afrobella question that dovetails nicely into this review/giveaway I’ve been working on. Away we go!

I just came across your website yesterday. It is indeed great! I found it through temptalia’s website (ed — which I adore. Check em out for makeup tips!).

Anyway, I did come across on your blog about afrobella’s on a budget. I am really interested in Queen Latifah’s collection for covergirl. To further my fascination with make-up, I decided to use the CG make up mirror on the website. It gave me the opportunity to choose colors based on a photo that I could upload from my computer (but of course it would have to meet the requirements of the mirror) or use one of the models instead. But my question is, since I am on budget right now, and can’t afford to indulge in MAC, benefit, and all the other brands that I am a fiend for. Could cover girl, Maybelline, and other drugstore make-up can up hold to the other pricier brands? Could I still look fabulous with cheaper make-up? Especially foundation, I have been worrying about that.

From a trouble el cheapo afrobella…..

Hola, el cheapo afrobella! In a nutshell, my answer to your questions are… sometimes, and definitely yes!

I’ve been extremely disappointed in pricey Sephora brands, and thrilled at the quality of drugstore brands. And honey, you can look fabulous beyond belief with just items you get at the drugstore. I’ve given loving reviews to Milani and HIP, two of my favorite drugstore brands. Now let me focus on what you’re most interested in — Cover Girl’s Queen Collection.

Few makeup lines have provoked such a polarized response. I think the bad feelings started with that misguided casting call last year, but look, even as recently as my last post, announcing the Every Woman is a Queen Contest I got totally opposing comments. One reader loves it, another called it a “a low-rent knock off of Iman’s collection.” Ouch. Every bella is more than entitled to her own opinion, but I’d definitely say don’t knock it till you tried it. I tried it. There are wonderful aspects of Latifah’s makeup line. And there’s some not-so-impressive aspects too. Allow me to break it down for you item-by-item, so your shopping decisions can be informed. And yes, there’s a giveaway offer at the end of this post, so keep reading!
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Ask Afrobella — Seeking Natural Hair Salons

Here’s an Ask Afrobella question that I’m gonna need you all to help me answer. Ready? Here goes…

Hello Afrobella,

First, let me start off by letting you know how much I really respect you as a Woman, Journalist, & Fellow Afrobella! I really appreciate your point of view. Please know that you have filled a missing void in the natural community. Which brings me to my request. I don’t know if this idea has crossed your mind or maybe it’s a work in progress. Nevertheless ,I would really a be grateful if you could write about one or all of the following topics:

1. A list of Natural Hair Salons located in Major Cities and/ or States.

2. A review of Natural Hair Salons located in Major Cities and/ or States.

3. Create a forum for Afrobellas to list and make referrals to natural hair care salons that satisfied them.

Please, note that when I say natural hair care salon. I’m not talking about a salon that thinks a press and curl is the only way to style natural hair! I’m talking about a place that can cut, treat, shingle, coil, finger style etc.

Granted you have supplied us with awesome product recommendations to take care of our own hair. But, sometimes we would like a little TLC from and trained professional who knows how to care for and style natural hair.

I would be grateful if you could write about natural hair salons. I feel that info on this topic would fill another missing void within the natural community. I currently live in New York City of all places and I don’t know where to go!

I Thank you in advance for allowing me to make this request.

God Bless, Cece

I actually wrote back to CeCe and thanked her for her brilliant suggestion, but I must say, this is an especially daunting Ask Afrobella for me. Those of you who have been reading for a while might remember my Hairdresser Horrors post. I’ve dealt with many a bad salon, and as a result, I hardly EVER go to the hairdresser. Last time I went was to the fabulous Larramy for my curl cut back in May! I loved my experience with Larramy, but I also agree with CeCe — there is something special about meeting a professional hairdresser who actually has your hair texture. There’s a feeling of security from knowing that the person you’re paying to style your ‘do knows exactly how to treat your tresses from personal experience, and there is also a significant satisfaction that comes from supporting businesses within the black community.

After I said to myself, fire burn that fancy Aveda place where they sate you with tea then load you up with overpriced, don’t-work-for-your-texture products you’re expected to buy (pardon me for venting Aveda fans, I obvs had a very lame experience there) — I spent quite a while searching for a natural hair salon within 30 miles of my residence. And as far as I knew (longtime Miami natives, please correct me if I am wrong) — I was fresh outta luck. The best natural hair salon in the area was all the way up in Fort Lauderdale….until September 30, when Natural Trend Setters opened a Miami branch!

Their locations in Tamarac and Delray Beach were already the must-visit locations for a variety of well-known local afrobellas, including hostess with the mostess Ingrid B, gorgeous 99 Jamz DJs Supa Cindy and K/ Foxx — early Afrobella readers might remember my interview with her. K. Foxx told me about NTS back then, and I finally got around to visiting a whole year later. And finally, I’m writing about it two months after visiting the place. Jeez, I am such a slacker.

Natural Trend Setters has a big reputation in south Florida. Stunning sister stylists Simone and Trudy Hylton are like walking advertisements for their craft — their hair is ON POINT. Their opening event was such a warm, welcoming, family affair. The salon merged with the Yellow Moon Day Spa in Liberty City, a pretty gritty part of Miami. Owner Rick Spence explained that the location was key — “We wanted to set an example. We’re trying to erase that negative vibe and create a social vibe.” Part of the social vibe will be a cafe and lounge area at the front, where they will host spoken word poetry and live music in the evenings. The salon is attached to the large front space, and it’s seriously gorgeous. Bright and plush and very welcoming. At the back is the spa, and they’ve got pretty, private rooms where they offer massages and waxing as well. The event was covered by the Broward Times, so you can read more about their services there, or click here.

At the opening reception I met some really cool local bellas, including Brigitte, owner of Brown Olive Natural Skin Care — I got to smell and sample some of her products and they rock!

And the beautiful bella you see pictured here is JoAnn Sampson, a gorgeous grandmother who participates in the Senior Olympics! Click here to read her story, and be as inspired as I was. I chatted with JoAnn for a while and she told me all about staying fit past 60, and being a senior Olympian. Amazing. JoAnn is a regular client at NTS and frequently models in their natural hair shows, as well.

I haven’t yet had the opportunity to come to Natural Trend Setters, but I plan to go get my hair done and write a review soon. Twists, anyone?

This is my first step to answering CeCe’s question. I don’t know thing 1 about creating a forum for discussion, first of all…. I’d love to start something like that next year when I do a big site redesign. For now, all I can do is write about the places I know of and ask you to tell me about your favorite hairdresser so we can spread the love. Seems like a good place to start, right?

Do you have a natural salon you absolutely love in your neck of the woods? Tell me - where do you get your hair done, bellas?

Ask Afrobella - Wedding Bellas

One of the biggest myths about natural hair that well-meaning-but-clueless relatives and friends might tell you is, there’s a lack of versatility to your style options. In my experience, it’s often the people who tend to wear their straight do’s in the same tired old styles anyway who have the audacity to say these kinds of things to you, but I digress.

I try not to buy into those natural-negative statements, but when it’s a relative pouring them into your ears, they can kind of get to you. I am totally speaking from experience, here. The dreaded “what are you going to do with your hair” discussion usually crops up before a big event, like a graduation, job interview, family reunion, or yup, you guessed it - a wedding. Which leads me to a recent Ask Afrobella question!

Hey Afrobella,

My name is Shantise. I’m a brand new bella; I had been transitioning off and on for roughly 3 yrs. I was gonna let my hair grow out more ,but I couldn’t take it anymore so I cut my hair. It is maybe 1 or 1 1/2 inches long. Well anyways, my best friend is getting married in January and I have no idea how to style my hair. I wouldn’t care if I was just attending her wedding. The problem is I’m in the bloody wedding and so I respect her enough to try to do something for her wedding. Besides I don’t want my mother getting on my last nerves about it. I don’t even have anyone I trust to do my hair, so I’m truly at lost on what to do. There is only one natural stylist I know of and the rest are these African ladies who braid hair but I’m not the most trusting person with my hair, between my mother and her enlisting people to destroy/’improve’ my hair. Please help me my only choice really is to press it if I cant find an alternative.

Shantise also sent a few pictures of her blossoming TWA, which looks so healthy and adorable. Good for you, Shantise. I think more than a few of the bellas who read this site can identify with those feelings of insecurity that family can give you about your hair decision. It’s not necessarily that they mean to hurt your feelings, most times they are just “trying to help” and because they believe that their hairstyle is best, that’s what they want for you as well. The most important question to ask yourself at that juncture is, am I keeping my hair natural for me, or for them? Forgive me if I’m presuming incorrectly, but your final statement, “my only choice really is to press it if I cant find an alternative” makes me think you really would prefer not to do that, and perhaps this has been suggested to you in the mistaken belief that straight hair = the only form of beauty that’s acceptable for fancy occasions.

I’m happy and proud to debunk that theory and share some afrobella inspiration for your wedding day ‘do.

Meet Nichelle — a proud afrobella who wore her free form fro in a unique style at her wedding. I answered her wedding hair question back in April, and here are her photos! Beautiful, bella!

She says, ” I decided to get my hair cornrowed a couple days before the wedding so it wouldn’t feel so tight. The lady who braided my hair did an excellent job and was careful not to pull my edges too tight. I found some cute hair pins at Claire’s of all places, and she put them in for me when she was done. The back was braided into a criss cross design. That was my favorite part of the style. I opted not to wear a veil just so I could show it off.”

Nichelle didn’t have any great pics of the back of her hair, but I think you get the picture from the photo above. And great tip - don’t sleep on Claire’s! I can’t tell you how many cute hair accessories and earrings I’ve gotten there. And even though you might feel silly picking out earrings alongside a nine-year-old who’s on a Hello Kitty shopping spree, you can still score some really chic (and cheap!) items. The best part is, no one will guess that your fly headband or clips are from there. For example, this lovely wedding headband costs $53, and you can score a rip off at Claire’s for less than $10. Nobody will be any the wiser.

Because your hair’s short, Shantise - you could wear these butterfly clips, and they won’t get lost in the mass. Or you could rock this gem hairband, and work the look with big earrings — they look striking and great on bellas with short curls, and could really set you apart at the wedding. Just don’t show up the bride!

You might also want to work your ‘do with a styling product — have you tried Miss Jessie’s yet? Now that there are smaller sizes available for less, you could get the 2oz, $7 size of Curly Pudding just for the occasion.

Make sure you try out your hair, accessories, dress, and makeup at least a week before the actual event, just so you’re completely sure you feel as beautiful as you are on the special day. Wear your natural hair with pride, and I am confident that with time, your mom will quit enlisting people to “improve” your hair. And try not to get mad at her for it — sometimes moms have old-school ideas that really center around Eurocentric standards of beauty. Give her time. She’ll get it eventually and back off. Mama Bella did, and now, finally, after years of back-and-forthing over “what are you doing with your hair,” I actually think she likes it this way and realizes (and accepts) that this is who I am.

If you’re preparing for a fancy event and you have slightly longer natural kinks and curls, you should check out the Hair Zing. It’s basically two accessory combs attached by beautiful beaded stretchy hair jewelry. I have the kind for short thick hair — I personally wish they had more of a hair texture variety on their site, because short STRAIGHT thick hair is completely different than short kinky curly thick hair… but anyways. The combs give good grip, and the in-between beaded jewelry part is indeed stretchy enough to rein in my crazy curls.

My Zing is similar to the diamond large black and turquoise, and it does help me create a chic updo of cascading coils. Word to the wise if you have dark hair — the darker Hair Zings won’t Zing as much for you. If you really want an eye catching look-at-me wedding day (or holiday party) do, go for a light, bright zing like the clear and gold or large tortoise. They’re pretty easy to use, the website comes laden with step-by-step photos and videos, and they’re cheaper than $15 - sweet!

Most importantly, have fun at the wedding, Shantise! They are such beautiful, memorable, magical occasions. Enjoy the day, send pictures and let me know what you went with. Hope my two cents helps. And THANK YOU Nichelle for allowing me to share your photos with afrobellas everywhere! Any wedding day do’ advice for her, bellas? Share your knowledge!

A Different Kind of Ask Afrobella

Most of the Ask Afrobella questions I get are about hair and beauty stuff. So when I got this one, I was thrown for a loop a little bit. Here it is.

Hello Afrobella,

How are you? I am writing because it seems that you know a lot about a lot. Here is the skinny, the reason for my letter. I have been unemployed for the last month and I am a bit lost. I am twenty nine years old. I really liked my job but after my departure I began to rethink what I was called to do. I began to rethink my path and the course of my life and this has brought me to a crossroads in my life. I was one of those people who believed that you are what you do. I no longer believe that because after a month of no work I am still here. I do however feel undefined and I am on a path to find some definition.

I know that I want to do something with in the teaching field and I am working on going back to school to get certified as an English teacher. I also want to begin writing a book. I want to do something different. I never again want to just have a job and be in a position to do anything just for the paycheck. I know that there is no such thing as a dream job or maybe there is I don’t know. But, I hoping that maybe there could be a dream position that enabled me to do what I love to do which is to teach people mostly children and travel.

Anyway I’m writing because I read your blog and I find it very interesting that you find time to give advice on what to do with fashion and hair and so many other things. Maybe you would have some advice for me too.

Thanks, Oretta

Hey Oretta, thanks for writing! Your e mail made me LOL at “it seems that you know a lot about a lot.” So not true. My husband’s gonna get a big kick out of that, and best believe I’m going to be using that as my new byline. But all jokes aside, I do try to stay informed, I seek out the advice of experts, and I try to think long and hard before I speak my piece. Which is why I had to take my time in trying to offer you some advice. Here’s the deal.

I’m one of those annoying people who have always pretty known what they wanted to be — by passion and by process of elimination. I suck at math, science, foreign languages, and business. The one thing I was really, really good at was English literature and creative writing, which at best means you can be a real, published writer or a professor. At worst, it prepares you for a career in food service and a lifetime of bitterness.

So when I graduated with my undergrad, I was scared. I went straight back to college ASAP and got my masters. I was so scared of facing the real world and the job market that I even considered staying in school and doing a PHd — lots of my friends were on that get-a-scholarship-and-stay-in-college-for-as-long-as-possible plan. But my university didn’t offer the PHd I wanted (few colleges offer a PHd in Creative Writing). Then I pretty much lucked out into the job I have now, and there you have it. So I personally don’t know how it feels to be at that crossroads you speak of, and I don’t want to front on some “I’ve totally been there” BS. Even though I can’t speak from experience, I have seen lots of my friends and relatives go through what you’re going through.

I’ve seen the effects of unemployment (and the consequent depression caused by extended unemployment) up close and personal. So I had to ask someone for advice. My big sister Petal came to the rescue!

I’ve mentioned her several times before here, but here’s an official introduction — Petal is my one and only big sister. And before you ask, yes, Petal is her real name. Petal Dawn. She’s brilliant — got two degrees under her belt and was well on her way to being a lawyer at one point. But then came across those crossroads you mention, where you find yourself rethinking the path and course of your life. Petal has had long periods of unemployment, between equally long periods of slogging through am-I-doing-what-I-really-want-to-do-with-my-life jobs. It’s taken her years to find THE THING we think she was clearly always meant to do. She’s selling real estate for Century 21, and doing fantastically, I am so proud and happy to say.

So here, Oretta, is some advice from my big sister Petal:

“You should view this period in your life in a positive way, and always look at the positives in your life versus the negatives. You need to be upbeat and focused on doing, growing, and getting things done. Feeling down, sad, angry, or dejected will sap your energy and turn potential opportunities away from you. Already you want to be a teacher, so you can build on this by looking at the following websites for more information on how to expand on this skill into a way to earn money & travel.

Tefl.com

Teach Overseas.

Peace Corps (if you are a US citizen)

Transition Abroad.

You should check job sites, job fairs (both online and in your area).

Monster.com is very good and has many articles on career advice from choosing jobs to making a career change.

Use your local library or Chamber of Commerce to help you update skills and get reading materials for free or at reduced rates.

Revamp your resume using the advice at monster.com and make a “Job Search” hard copy file where you list all places you applied to for jobs, and on what date, and note the result so you don’t duplicate your efforts. Also revamp your interview outfit.

See what networks you have around you that can assist with your job search and let people know that you are looking for a job, especially those networks geared towards helping women. Sign up with employment agencies in your area. In the interim you will need funds to get you through, so see what part time job you can get at the library, the nearest technology store, or bookstore.

Don’t give up, don’t be afraid of being an older job seeker. Be consistent with doing all of the above and give yourself another month and things should have turned around.

Please keep me posted and who knows out of all of this may be the plan for your novel *grin.*

Petal”

And here’s my two cents for what it’s worth.

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