You Thirsty?

Liquid calories have always been my downfall. It’s been an issue my whole life — I’ve never enjoyed plain ol’ drinking water, and when I reach for a beverage, it always has to be some kind of flavored thing that’s probably bad for me. But I’m struggling to stay away from soda, and to lighten up on the liquid calories while still savoring the flavors I love. So because it’s hot out and I’m a thirsty bella, I’ll clue you all in to some of my favorite beverages these days.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I love to kick things off healthy with a fruitalicious smoothie. Especially during the hot summer months, there’s nothing more refreshing. I blend up a big one, and take it with me to work.

Wanna know something cool about smoothies? They can be super good for you, loaded with fiber, vitamins, and antioxidants. And they can be a cheap breakfast addition as well — you don’t need to go to Smoothie King or Jamba Juice to make a refreshing blend. (Although, did you know that there’s a Jamba Juice book that includes a diet plan and tons of recipes?). A low-fat vanilla yogurt or kefir-based smoothie is always fabulous, but recently I’ve been just going for a total fruit blend. Here’s the thing. I can’t stand bananas.

I know, I know… they’re super good for you, filling, yadda yadda… it’s a smell and texture thing that goes back as far as I can remember. They gross me out more than almost anything. I can’t even be around someone when they’re eating one. It’s weird and sad — I know they’re good for me, so I wish I could get over my gag-reflex that kicks in the second I smell one. Anyway, because of the no-banana clause, my smoothies tend to revolve around berries, berry juices, mangoes, and peaches. Sounds expensive? But it isn’t really — especially if you buy frozen fruit. I usually go for Dole, which has excellent recipes, and they’ve also got organic fruit now for those of you who are strictly into organic stuff. Dole’s got great mixed frozen fruit bags, called Wildly Nutritious. The berry blend is so easy and delicious and ideal for smoothies, and the Tropical Fruit blend boosts immunity with pineapple, mango, golden kiwi, papaya and strawberries. All great smoothie fruits.

I make my smoothies right in the cup, with a hand blender. Add a little juice –love V8 Fusion if I can’t afford my favorite, favorite Kagome juices…. so wonderful, but kinda expensive, especially nowadays. Anyway, blend 2 parts fruit, a little juice to get it moving, or if you want to be especially low calorie, I hear a flavored water like Propel is a good mixer as well. Blend, blend, blend, and you’re good to go for the morning. It’s a great energy booster, filling, and a fabulous, lasting thirst quencher.

During the day I really do try to drink as much water as possible… but I need FLAVOR. I am still one of those idiots who feels like water’s medicinal. I haven’t yet learned to just love plain water — I know I need to, but I’m not there yet. I tend to steer towards flavored waters, which can be high in calories (as those new Propel vs. Vitamin Water ads reveal. Plus, 50 Cent’s admission in “I Get Money” has made me steer clear of the quarter-water-that-costs-two-bucks). I do try my damndest to drink plain water for most of the day, but at lunch I usually treat myself. My afternoon sip of choice is Sunkist, and over time my craving for the orange stuff has grown. I found myself wondering WHY I needed a Sunkist every day… and it turns out the stuff is laden with caffeine! Sneaky, sneaky Sunkist.

So what do I drink when I want to avoid high calorie, high caffeine sugary soda? Crystal Light. I must admit, I am a big fan. I grab those little ready-to-drink packets, and I am good to go. And now, Crystal Light is treading into Vitamin Water territory with their Crystal Light Enhanced flavors available with three different “benefits” — Immunity, Focus and Red Tea Mandarin, which is my favorite. It’s the first-ever Crystal Light made with Rooibos, which I adore. The flavor is yummy and not too fake-sweet, and I also really really liked the immunity flavor, which is cherry pomegranate. Mmmmm. I wonder how these would be in a smoothie? Probably pretty good. And how’s about Crystal Light cocktails? You don’t say!

Alright, let’s get down to after-work drinks!

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The Downside of Online Shopping

So this is a quick follow-up from my Worth a Click fashion post from a few weeks ago… I bought my first items from Kiyonna, and the experience totally underscored why I prefer to shop in person, rather than online. I got these shorts in chocolate brown, and yeah… I’m gonna be sending those back ASAP. Sizes apparently run a bit smaller than I’m used to at Kiyonna. Still looking for those perfect summer shorts, and I’m gonna trade these in for one of those fabulous daffodil yellow tees I mentioned before.

And I bought this dress, which is cute and comfortable, but it didn’t wow me right away like I thought it would. The sleeves aren’t as kimono as I expected, and to take it from understated to amazing, I’ll be needing to purchase some kind of fabulous necklace to kick it up a notch. But here’s the thing —
I bought this dress because I’m going to a wedding this Sunday and it’s the kind of event where there may be some haters to the left if you catch my drift. I want to really look stunning and work it for all it’s worth. My options are…

1. get the aforementioned necklace or pendant and just rock the dress with my head held high,

or 2. Get a new dress that will do the job, ASAP.

I’m leaning towards option #2. And as luck would have it, I’m actually heading to NYC for a fleeting, fleeting trip this weekend, so I need advice from my gorgeous full figured bellas who live in NYC! Where should I go to get the dress of my dreams?

I’ve been doing some research, and I think it’s between Salon Z at Saks Fifth Avenue, and Monif C, which is on W. 38th St. (I’m staying on the upper East side, so I have no idea how far away either place is). I’m not sure I’ll have enough time to shop at both stores, so any input to aid in my decision making would be much appreciated. Monif C looks like the kind of store I’ve been dreaming of — OMG I love this dress! But I wasn’t planning to spend more than $200. I actually wanted to spend like $150, tops.

Help me, bellas! You’re my only hope. Where should I shop when I head to the Big Apple?

Worth a Click

I’ll take “self-inflicted political scandals for $800, Alex.”

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up! Or… maybe you can? What an utterly insane campaign season this is proving to be. And I really don’t mean to needle any Clinton supporters who read Afrobella — at one time, I too admired her simply for her intelligence and capability even though she was never my candidate of choice. But as the campaign wore on, my disdain for her tactics grew stronger. And now here we are, with Sinbad of all people, at the epicenter of an unraveled, repeatedly-told lie. Comedians, bloggers, and news anchors are having a field day. I’m not wading into the campaign waters any deeper than this for right now, y’all. I’m just saying, the iron is sizzling for a Sinbad comeback! I just want to see him on like, the Colbert Report this week or something. And strangely enough, when my brother in Trinidad mentioned Sinbad during my Earth Wind and Fire music post of last week Thursday, I was like…. man, SINBAD! I haven’t thought of that brotha in FOREVER. Flash forward a week and he’s on the news every night. Strange.

My days of being “the tall girl” ended when I was oh, eleven or twelve. Then I became the average-height girl. But I was still able to identify with Life as a Tall Girl, an essay written by University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh senior Rebecca Thomas. She’s 6 foot 4, and has always attracted gasps and stares from obnoxious onlookers. “I often wish people weren’t so rude. How can they act so unabashedly shocked when they see someone who is different from them? And I’ve got it easy; I’m a minority only in the sense of height. I can only imagine how those under the burden of a group prejudice based on their race or religion must feel. I like to think that those who have insulted me didn’t intend to. I do believe that most people are basically good, but they can be insensitive,” she says. Finally, she’s wearing her height with the regal bearing it demands. “In fact, sometimes I wear heels. Just to make them look twice,” she adds.

Go ‘head, Rebecca! I found her story to be inspiring, and maybe you will too. In somewhat similar news, the world’s tallest man just got a new bicycle! Totally random, but I love to know about the lives of Guinness World Record holders.

I always welcome an opportunity to be a part of the News and Notes bloggers’ roundtable, but alas, I was sick this weekend and had to back out on Monday. Monday’s discourse focused on Obama’s marvelous speech, the website Stuff White People Like (which yes — is a classic, lazy, con-job, but an oft-hilarious one, IMO), and Kwame Kilpatrick’s indictment on perjury charges. If there could be a soundtrack to this indictment, might I suggest Radiohead’s Just? You did it to yourself, Kwame. You and no one else. Can’t blame the media for everything.

Even though I still think of this as a quote-unquote beauty blog, sometimes I get political on Afrobella. OK, often. Maybe too often. Especially recently. But sometimes I prefer to keep things light and positive, cause truth be told, too much politics makes my blood boil. So in the interest of keeping things relatively light, I’m just going to address this burning political fire in my belly real quick then get back to the calming seas of beauty and style.

This weekend, I wound up in one of those conversations where you can’t lose your cool. You know — you’re at the office, or in a doctor’s waiting room, or at a social event where you’re required to keep the polite face on… then someone goes and says the thing that just gets under your fingernails the deepest. I wound up in a doozy this weekend, filled with gems like, “I just don’t like Obama because he’s a Muslim and attended a madrassa,” and “President Bush was right to invade Iraq.” Anyone who knows me, knows how hard it must have been for me to respond to inflammatory statements such as these without raising my voice and my pressure. But I’m proud to say, I did neither. I implored with the ignorant party to educate themselves, I pointed them in the direction of the Obama Fact Check — note, not to be confused with the LOL-worthy The Obama Facts. Regarding the issue of President Bush, I wish I had told this person to see PBS Frontline’s special series, Bush’s War. Exhaustively reported. Unflinchingly examined. It should be required viewing for anyone still driving around with a W sticker on their car. Be forewarned — as this Reuters review would indicate, “the level of incompetence uncovered by “Frontline” is stunning.” And if you feel like I do, it’ll make you mad as hell.

Whew. I need to cool down with some fashion. How’s about a giveaway?

I love funky jewelry, I love indie designers, and I love shouting out blossoming businesses. So when singer, songwriter, artist, and jewelry designer Rhonda Ray contacted me about her banging earrings, I was excited. Rhonda’s taken this natural hair thing to a whole new level. She even wrote a song about it! Like to hear it? Here it goes. It’s Afrolicious!

Besides banging out beats and tunes, Rhonda weaves some magically beautiful earrings. I absolutely love them! They are meant to ideally compliment a big fabulous fro. I’ve been rocking the reggaelicious hoops, and I also got a gorgeous pair of pear earrings in her “lavender dreams” color range (which is so Pisces, so soft, so my favorite calming colors). Rhonda’s earrings cost $20, and if you buy three pairs, you can get a free Afrolicious tank top with her fetching logo on it. Or, you can enter this here giveaway and possibly win a pair of Afrolicious earrings for free!

Rhonda has graciously made these five earrings for Afrobella readers. Do you want a pair? Do you, bella? Well then, you know the drill, it’s totally random. Just leave me a comment that begins with the phrase, “I’m totally afrolicious!” And tell me (and Rhonda Ray!) why you deserve to rock these fly hand-woven earrings. And make sure to visit Rhonda Ray’s site and show her some love!

I’ll close these comments by Saturday. Good luck, my afrolicious afrobellas!

Ask Afrobella — That Furry Feeling

I am ashamed at how long it’s taken me to slog through these Ask Afrobellas. I need an intern! I am literally drowning in e mail. Mea maxima culpa, bellas who have asked questions in 2008. I will make it up to you! Here’s one I’ve been meaning to get to from a regular reader.

Bella-

I am happy to actually feel comfortable enough to send you a question. Sometimes while reading the posts on your site, I hear “i know that’s right” in the background of my mind. I truly value your opinion as someone who has devoted quite a bit of time to help strangers with their beauty predicaments. I recently became engaged and am completely overwhelmed with happiness. But now the emotions of planning the wedding have rushed in so quickly that I sometimes forget that it is supposed to be a joyous occasion.

Lauren

Lauren, girl - I hope I made this answer in time for the wedding! The weeks have become months and just flown by. I am so sorry for taking so long to write back. BUT in that time, I’ve been doing quite a bit of personal research on the topic of hair removal, so I’ve got answers for you!

Before I dive headfirst into answering, I gotta say… the topic of body hair removal has been surprisingly touchy on this blog in the past. The decision of whether or not to shave your legs, or to wax the hair off your body, goes directly against some natural women’s definition of “natural.” I respect that completely. I won’t let a chemical straightener touch the hair on my head, but I’ll willingly slather on Nair anywhere else? It’s an inconsistency that I think about often. Also, it goes against the sensibilities of most feminists — why should we conform to male standards of beauty? Why is looking like a prepubescent girl the standard for women in Western society? The Europeans don’t do it, so why should we? All good, valid questions that are worth considering before you make a decision.

So why do I choose to inflict pain on myself and remove my body hair? Because I love feeling clean. I love feeling smooth and pretty and feminine, and for me, hair removal adds to that. My husband loves it, and he does things to make me happy, and I know this makes him happy. If I’m going to the beach, I don’t want to be worried about having a hairline if you know what I mean. If I’m wearing a skirt, I want to know my legs go well with the general appearance of manicured beauty I try to present from head to toe. I’ve got quite a few reasons why I choose to wax, thread, and shave away unwanted body hair. You should consider yours before you take any kind of plunge. OK — having said all of that, let me tell you what works!

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Love You Like a Fresh Vegetable

Gotta give it up to the man Tony Rebel. His song Fresh Vegetable came out in 1990, and I still sing the chorus in my head almost every time I make a salad. Listen to it here! Just like Tony Rebel, I love fresh vegetables. They’re good for me, they’re delicious, and sometimes — this might sound crazy to the carnivores — but sometimes I really do prefer a veggie meal to a meat-laden dish. By exercising regularly and eating healthy veggies of all colors, I’m loving myself. It’s a beautiful thing.

You already know that I tend to make a lot of stir fry meals and dinner salads, but sometimes I get bored with them. So I have a suggestion that comes to the rescue whenever I wind up stuck for a dinner idea. Here’s what you do. Make yourself some kind of yummy protein — that could be steak — made this this week, and it was amazing! Or chicken or fish or tofu or perhaps some kind of delicious veggie casserole… you get it. Are you hungry yet? I am!

OK, you have your delicious protein, and if you’re like me, you need a hot side dish that doesn’t take too long to prepare. Forget potatoes and heavy, starchy sides. Steamed veggies are where it’s at. Check out this South Beach Diet article on traditional methods of steaming. It is SO easy. Especially now that there are steaming bags of all varieties in the grocery store!

I usually buy the veggies that come in the bag you can just puncture with a fork and stick in the microwave for a few minutes.

But recently, I’ve fallen in love with the Ziploc Zip N Steam microwave steam cooking bags. These are SO EASY!! Each bag comes printed with instructions for each veggie (or you can even cook salmon, shrimp, or chicken in the bag… haven’t done that yet. Chicken in the microwave makes me think of Hottie from Flavor of Love. Um, no).

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The Color of the Month

Wait! Quick! Have you left for work yet? If not, turn around, get in that wardrobe and reach for the brightest, boldest color in there. Today is National Wear Red Day, and you’ll be making a powerful statement with what you wear.

In October, when I wrote about breast cancer month, I got some really good comments from bellas asking about other such initatives. Where’s the diabetes month, or multiple sclerosis month? What are the colors for those? How can I support other diseases from month to month? An initiative is underway to make February and March all about your ticker. The American Heart Association’s goal is to make you “fall in love with your heart.”

I’ve been learning quite a bit about heart disease, thanks to the official website, heart.org. There is a history of high blood pressure and cardiac issues in my own family, and heart disease, stroke and other cardiovascular diseases are the No. 1 killer of American women. And strokes are no joke in the African American community — it’s the third-leading cause of death among African Americans. More than 100,000 will suffer one this year.

Today is the day. Educate yourself. Put on your fly red outfit and red lipstick, and educate everyone you meet. Or even betterm put on your fly red workout outfit and take care of your heart the best way you can. Take the Go Red Heart CheckUp online, or call 1-888-AHA-2222. Check out other ways to support the movement. We take such time to make sure our exterior appearance is beautiful. Let’s make sure our internal organs look and feel the same.

I Need Some Resolutions

“Why December 31? If you want to make a change in your life, you shouldn’t wait for this one magical day to make it happen.” That’s my husband’s argument against New Year’s resolutions. And in recent years, I’ve agreed with him. I’d grown sick of making ridiculous promises to myself every year, and inevitably breaking them before even a month had passed. But this year I realized, I am a sucker for “that one magical day.” I am still under the spell of the stroke of midnight on what we in the Caribbean call Old Year’s Night, that feeling that washes over you as you watch the ball drop in Times Square. And in the recent years where I’ve gone resolutionless, I’ve noticed a feeling of helpless stagnancy wash over me. So here’s hoping that by publicly divulging five of my resolutions, I will set some cosmic wheels in motion, and simultaneously shame myself into actually getting off my duff and making things happen in the ‘08.

1. To take time out of every day to give my body the respect it deserves. Like most Americans — at least, according to this Reuters article — I’m done with diets. Now I opt to just eat healthy, and create a hodgepodge healthy cuisine guide of my own that relies heavily on Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, and Cooking Light recipes, with a healthy dose of 100 calorie snacks and fruit in between. I make a healthy menu every week, and I’m working on controlling my ludicrous urges for an afternoon Sunkist at work, and salt and vinegar chips. They just added them to the vending machine at my office, and all I can say is, God give me strength. So I’m totally into eating part of living healthy, and seeing positive results. But I need to make time for exercise — more time than I made in 2007. I own an elliptical trainer and a total body gym. No more frickin’ excuses.

So far, so good. I’ve been more motivated, and that’s because of my reading material. I’m usually not one for diet books, but I’m currently reading Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs, and it’s kicking my butt into action like no other book has. The fact that she was once overweight and knows the emotions and excuses that come with that, goes a long way in making her arguments resonate with me. Here’s an excerpt, if you need a kick in the butt, too. I’m trying to remind myself that my body is a temple. I need to treat it like one every day of my life, if I want to live as long and as happily as I can. Which brings me to resolution #2.

2. McDonalds and Burger King are not seeing a penny more of my money in 2008. I pick those two particular fast food joints because they’ve been my I-really-can’t-stand-the-idea-of-cooking-right-now fallback for too long now. It needs to stop.

Sometimes, fast food is an unavoidable evil. But this year, instead of surrendering to the lazy chef blues, I’m gonna fight those urges, get off my butt, and make my own fast food. Yup, you heard me. Maybe it won’t be AS fast… but at least it’ll be real food that will satisfy my immediate craving for a burger or chicken or whatever.

For burger-and-fries in a hurry, I keep veggie burgers in stock, they’re healthier. Taste is essential, so I usually reach for one of Amy’s veggie burgers — the Texas burgers are delicious. I do make those Ore-Ida fries, but I recently discovered Lesser Evil Krinklesticks through Hungry Girl. I am dying to try these potato chip alternatives.

Most recently, I stopped myself from getting a tropichop max from Pollo Tropical, and made one myself! Check out my photo. Oh yeah, we got a new camera, so expect more food photos! This was so easy, and really didn’t take that long. There’s a base of brown rice, (I had some leftover from the day before, or you could just use Annie Chun’s Rice Express sprouted brown rice, two minutes in the microwave and you’re golden). I spiced my chicken breasts with Mrs. Dash (I heart Mrs. Dash!) and cooked it in my grill pan — psst, if you’re looking for a grill pan, don’t buy it at the department store. You can get ‘em for less than $20 at your local Marshalls or my BFF Ross. Then added some shredded lettuce, and the topping, diced tomato and onion with Gia Russa’s balsamic glaze. It was healthy, delicious, and took almost the same the time it would have taken me to get in the car, drive to the fast food joint, and come back home. I’m back on the recipe kick, so look for more of those in 2008.

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Contest Winners, and A Word to the Wise

Without further ado- the Nail Aid contest winners are…

ShaBoogie

Shaneka

Chellz

SJay,

and Kisha.

Congrats! If you read this before you hear from me via e mail, drop me a line at bella@afrobella.com with your full name and mailing address, so we can try to get you your prize before Christmas. And don’t give up if you didn’t win this time, bellas — I’ve got at least two more giveaways in me before the holidays are over. So keep reading and keep entering. And notice - that Body Shop makeup giveaway is STILL OPEN! I’ll close the comments by Wednesday.

So now for that word to the wise I mentioned. Remember two weeks or so ago I discussed a nasty cold I’d come down with? I noticed that the horrible, hacking cough I had wasn’t going away. I was tackling it with over-the-counter meds, but there was no real progress. I was like, I can’t be THAT sick, I have too much work to do! My husband kept nagging me, “go to the doctor, go to the doctor,” but for a myriad of reasons, I didn’t manage to make an appointment (have you tried to make a doctor’s appointment in the height of holiday season? I swear, it’s damn near impossible).

It hit the fan at that wedding I attended on Friday night - in an effort to suppress a cough during the ceremony, I wound up erupting in a coughing fit that brought tears to my eyes and forced me to leave the room to pretty much hack my lungs out. I couldn’t deny it any longer - I needed medical attention. Well, turns out your girl has acute bronchitis. Ugh. I mentioned to the doctor that I am heading to Chicago at the end of this week, and he was aghast. “It’s good you caught this now before it develops into pneumonia,” he said. Yikes. I never made it to that holiday party I was so psyched about. =(
I’m now being treated with prescription meds, and actually on my way to recovery. So if you’re stubborn like me and tend to postpone doctor’s appointments, DON’T! Check yourself before you wreck yourself. I’ll be back later with a longer post, and like I said, keep your eyes peeled for giveaways this week! I might be a little down, but I’m far from out.

Tis The Season…

Normally I’m well prepared for cold and flu season — I keep a bottle of hand santizer by my desk at work and another in my purse, I kick off my day with a tall glass of Emergen-C, I try my best to eat and live healthy. But apparently, I let my guard down. This weekend, the illness came down on me like a hammer.

I was able to call in sick yesterday, but today I have to drag my sorry, sniffling butt in and get work done. How do you carry on with life’s stressful routines when your body is aching and you’re coughing up multicolored semi-solids? I’m trying to figure it out. Here’s what’s sorta, kinda working for me as I battle the Mucinex family that’s taken residence in my lungs.

Vitamin Water — One of Mama Bella’s mantras to me is, “did you take your Redoxon C?” The popular British effervescent Vitamin C drink also is a mainstay in Trinidad (and I suspect many other former colonies).She always, always has a bottle on hand. Here in Miami, I’m addicted to Emergen-C. Most people are probably aware of the 1000 mg Vitamin C Emergen-C, which comes in like six different flavors. I have the raspberry, but I’d like to eventually try the tropical and to go with the holiday season, cranberry might be good. Besides chugging raspberry Emergen-C, I’ve been sipping on their Immune Defense formula, which only comes in one flavor — ruby lemon honey.

It’s like floral lemonade. I likee. Besides 100 mg of vitamin C, immune defense also includes enhanced zinc, Vitamins A & D, hibiscus extract, and elderberry extract. I’ve been guzzling it now that I’m ill, but perhaps (like Airborne), it would have been better as a preventative measure. Hindsight, bellas, hindsight. (Psst, in case you were wondering, Emergen-C also makes a yummy strawberry multivitamin, and they’ve got flavors for what ails ya, from your aching bones to your bum ticker. And it’s all on sale at Drugstore.com).

Hot Tea (For Your Face) – my favorite freelancer (and Pisces soul brother) is a dude by the name of Carlos Suarez de Jesus. Carlos is an artist at heart, with the voice and physical bearing of a Cuban pirate. He is awesome. When he heard I was sick, he called me right away and told me to buy a bottle of eucalyptus leaves, boil them into a strong tea, and steam my face over the pungent brew. Woo! That was a really affordable way to clear my passages like nobody’s business. Good looking out, Carlos! There’s a vast variety of steam inhalers, body washes, and vapor plugs on the market — I like that Sudafed vapor plug, but you really need to be close to it for the thing to work, IMO. (hey, do you live in a cold climate and could use a humidifier? Is this Hello Kitty humidifier not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? Awww. I love Hello Kitty).

Pick Your Over-the-Counter Poison — Whether it’s Theraflu, Nyquil, Sudafed, or Zicam, there’s someone who swears by “their” cold and flu medicine as the best one on the drugstore shelves. For me, it’s good ol’ Robitussin. Without the Nighttime cough and cold suppressant, I would have been hacking my lungs out all night long. Instead, I was sweetly put to bed at 8:30, and slept through till morning. I can’t take Dayquil or anything daytime, because it just totally zonks me out. So I only medicate at night.

Ugh, I hate being sick, bellas! I am way too busy to be sick. I’m behind on some major posts, and struggling to balance my workload on top of it all. But with the three steps listed above and lots of rest, I’m slowly emerging from my stuffy-headed funk. I’m off to sip some fresh-squeezed orange juice and get down to the things I need to do today.

What’s your never-fail cold and flu cure? Take care of yourselves this season, bellas and fellas - I don’t want any of you feeling like I’ve been feeling!

Hey Mama

I’ve been thinking about Kanye West all day, following the news that his mother — Dr. Donda West, the former professor and chair of Chicago State University’s English department, author of Raising Kanye: Life Lessons From the Mother of a Hip-Hop Superstar, CEO of Super Good, the parent company of Kanye West Enterprises — had passed away at the age of 58. The circumstances of her passing are still murky — doctors are coming forth for their fifteen minutes on TMZ, and an autopsy will be performed tomorrow in an effort to find out exactly what caused her untimely demise. Right now, what we do know is this — this weekend, Dr. Donda West died from complications following cosmetic surgery.

Kanye wears his heart on his sleeve so much, his whole life has been laid out for the world so plainly, it’s impossible to not feel for him now. He is known for having a great, strong relationship with his mother. He’s alluded to her so many times in his lyrics, and payed tribute to her time and time again. She made him who he is, and he will admit that proudly. Anyone who has lost a parent - especially their mother - will tell you it’s a pivotal point in your life. A moment that lives with you forever. The worst news you could get. I cannot even imagine the pain Kanye’s going through right now.

The news has made headlines worldwide - it’s being repeated over and over again on CNN, and the blogosphere has been going nuts on the story since it broke. Most of the reaction has been respectful and seemingly genuine. And then there’s the idiots. I swear, I don’t even know why I continue to look at the comments on mainstream gossip websites, where racists and degenerates and broken minded people flock to spout their most cruel and depraved thoughts under guard of internet anonymity. I know the people who post the kinds of comments I saw aren’t worth the time I spent skimming over their poorly spelled words, but I keep seeing a repeated kind of statement that really, really bothers me — that she somehow deserved her death because she was having voluntary plastic surgery. People saying things like, “what was she thinking?” and, “at her age…” Please. Give me a break. The stink of that hypocrisy is making me light-headed, and I feel the need to address it. The whole incident makes me think about the things we women do to be beautiful.

Why do most people have cosmetic surgery, anyway? There are so many reasons, most of which lead back to self esteem. We want to look beautiful. We’re conditioned that way, thanks to society and the media and those nagging voices inside ourselves. We aspire to be slender but stacked, sculpted and soft in the right places all at the same time. If your pockets are deep enough, you too can create the perfect visage — wrinkle-free, with a pert nose, wider eyes, perkier boobs, and a flatter stomach than the next woman. As a woman grows older, feelings of insecurity tend to increase. We live in an ageist society, it’s now commonplace for a woman to botox the years off her forehead to stave off the inevitable.

In an era when there’s Dr. 90210, Extreme Makeover, and Nip/Tuck, when plastic surgery is shown in television shows on a regular basis, it’s easy to think that it’s not that big of a deal to go under the knife. It’s generally depicted as the ultimate solution to a lifetime of self esteem issues. Rarely do those programs show the downside, the painful recoveries, the possible risks, the psychological damage. But surgery is still surgery, and there are always serious risks.

The fear of death or disfiguration is the one thing that’s prevented my Mama Bella from having some kind of work done, our family history of high blood pressure gives her enough cause to say no despite her admitted vanity. But I know if she had a clean bill of health and the money to pay for it, she’d totally go for it. Even though I’d be extremely concerned — extremely — as her daughter I would support her in whatever she wanted to do, so long as it made her feel good about herself. I know so many older women who would spring for a nip here and a tuck there, if it were just that simple. You look at women like Sharon Stone, Michelle Pfeiffer, Vivica Fox, Demi Moore, and Nicole Kidman — all of whom have been accused of undergoing cosmetic surgery procedures to stay eternally gorgeous — and there’s a desire to emulate that kind of glacier-paced aging. It’s such an understandable desire.

I told a friend of mine about Dr. West’s sudden death yesterday. His first response was “Wow.” Then a heavy sigh, a long pause. Then he said “Damn. I guess that’s life, huh?” The comment struck me as kind of cold, it seemed amazingly fatalistic at the time. But it’s resonating with me now that it’s past midnight and I’m up late writing, alone, thinking about life and death. None of us know when it’s coming. All we can do is live every day to the fullest while we can, and let the people we love know how wonderful they make our lives. All we can do is be thankful for what we’ve got, and try to not take this gift of life for granted.

Dr. Donda West was an intelligent, strong, loving woman who did the best she could to raise her child. She comes across so wise and warm in this recent interview on WGN. As he said in his song, Hey Mama - “I just want you to be proud of me.” Kanye’s lucky in that aspect. His mother was extremely proud of his success, and she was right there alongside him to realize their dreams.

Kanye made an official statement that I read on Miss Info. It reads in part — “In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made in Dr. West’s name to the Kanye West Foundation/Loop Dreams Teacher Training Institute. Those donations can be made by visiting the Foundation’s Web site, www.KanyeWestFoundation.org or by mail at Kanye West Foundation, 8560 W. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90069.”

My heart goes out to the West family at this terrible and tragic time. If you haven’t talked to your mom or dad in a while, maybe this could be a catalyst. There’s no time like the present to pick up that phone and let them know how much you love them.