Just like most of everyone (at least everyone on Twitter last night), I watched the Grammys and was astounded at the news about Chris Brown and Rihanna. I believe I first heard it from Necole Bitchie or Concrete Loop, can’t recall which. In no time flat it was confirmed by the likes of People Magazine, TMZ, and E!.
In summary, following some kind of domestic altercation that was initially described as a “traffic accident,” 19 year old R&B star Chris Brown has turned himself in to the LAPD and was booked on suspicion of making criminal threats. He’s been released from jail, having posted $50,000 bail. Sources claim that Barbadian-born R&B singer Rihanna, who’s just 20 years old, suffered visible bruises after the confrontation. And the internet has gone buckwild with speculation. Some of the comments have made my stomach churn.
Take a gander at any of the popular gossip blogs right now, and read those comments if you want to feel your blood pressure rise. I’m not about to link to any of the posts that REALLY got my goat, but I need to get this off my chest. As a proud Trinidadian woman, a West Indian woman, a woman from the islands… I do NOT appreciate the stereotypes that are being thrown around by commenters seeking to condone or explain this act of violence. I’m seeing all kinds of nonsense. And I quote:
“He better watch himself, those island women are crazy.”
“Who didn’t tell chris that island women were nutso?”
“Caribbean women are crazy, she probably cut him.”
“That island b***h probably put some roots on him.”
“Chris Brown laying the SMACKDOWN on Carribean joints. [frank lucas voice]. My ni**a!”
Then there’s the other kinds of offensive comments, the ones that don’t just put the blame on Rihanna because she’s a “crazy island woman.” These other comments blame her simply because she’s a woman.
“She must have provoked him.â€
“I believe Rhianna probably started it first and it got Chris mad. Rhianna looks like she is a ish starter.”
And my least favorite of all: “Its so stupid how if a man hits a woman its his fault and we should feel sorry for the woman. You all know how it goes, these hoes get snappy, she probably annoyed him and hit him herself. lol at everyone feeling sorry for Rihanna.”
Hold. UP.
Where do these kinds of twisted interpretations and stereotypes even begin? When did we get to this point, where we instantly blame the victim?
It’s like people don’t know what to say about this sad situation, so they’re just talking out of ignorance and stereotypes and assumptions. It seems people are saying anything to try to explain why R&B music’s it couple wound up missing what should have been one of their most magical evenings together.
First of all, the only people that presently know exactly what happened between this young couple are Chris Brown, Rihanna, whoever may have been in the vehicle with them, and the law enforcement officials who are investigating this crime.
Second of all, domestic violence is never OK. It’s never to be explained away, dismissed, or most shamefully of all, celebrated. No matter how much you may love someone’s music or style or ability, to explain away Chris Brown’s alleged crime by saying “she probably started it” or “I heard she gave him herpes,” or whatever the excuse of the moment is, is woefully inappropriate and misguided. It reveals volumes about how women are valued in this society.
A man should never lay his hands on a woman. Point blank, period.
Even Chris Brown has acknowledged how domestic violence affected his own life, as a child. He’s gone on the record as saying “I don’t want to put a woman through the same thing that person put my mom through.” Whatever went down, I am sure he can’t help but recall the environment he grew up in and surely he must sincerely regret whatever his behavior was that led to this situation. Even he would probably be disgusted at the “explanations” his own fans are offering for this incident right now.
And third — in the heat of this moment, even as fans are seeking to defend and explain what happened to their favorite stars in the face of these powerful allegations, it’s important to remember how old they both are. Chris Brown is 19. Rihanna is 20. These kids need help, guidance, and the careful investigation of the law right now. Not rumors, innuendo, hearsay, and judgment. If you’re among those who have been stringing their song titles into weak jokes about domestic violence, or leaving vehement, profanity-laced comments either in favor or against Chris Brown or Rihanna in light of what happened, I implore you to stop. Think about what you’re saying, what message you’re giving, and why.
My thoughts and well wishes go out to the families of both Rihanna and Chris Brown right now. This can’t be an easy thing for either side. Time will tell what really happened here, and I hope justice is served fairly. This isn’t just another hot-button celebrity story. Domestic violence is a serious societal ill, and our collective attitude towards it should be examined and improved.
There are some tremendous domestic violence resources online. If you’ve been a victim, or know someone who has, I encourage you to visit the Safe Space Foundation, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (call 1-800-799-SAFE), Women Called Moses, and the YWCA, or the Family Violence Prevention Fund at endabuse.org.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this story, and if you’re new to Afrobella, I encourage you to check out my FAQ on commenting. I don’t allow cursing or personal attacks on my site, and I usually delete comments with that kind of language. But I do welcome and encourage intelligently stated opinions of any variety.
What do you have to say about this sad situation, bellas and fellas?
Very well stated. I find it borderline offensive that people even feel like they have the authority to speak on the situation. Just because they are celebs does not mean that we get [or are owed for that matter] a free pass into some of the most intimate details of their lives. SMH.
everyone with internet access is going to have an op on this, well-informed or not. it’s an unfortunate situation between a young couple that has been magnified by the stardom these two have achieved. i’ve had my own experiences with domestic violence that i’m not proud of. treatment for batterers is more than anger management classes; it’s about acknowledging a worldview that places females in a subordinate position and/or as property. if chris brown indeed became physical with rihanna, the incident stemmed from his belief that she was wrong and it was his right to put her in her place as a female. this is the mode of thinking that must be addressed in order to treat domestic violence.
i wish chris brown and rihanna both luck in recovering from this incident.
I have scanned a few black gossip blogs & it is a shame in terms of some of the comments & the blog posts themselves.
I 1st got pissed at Bossip & there scandalous headline: “*Exclusive* Chris Brown Gives Rihanna Black Eye For Giving Him Herpes?!?!?” WTF
I have head jokes on TMZ etc. I’m really starting to think that people are out of their mind.
None of of out here know what happened & honestly, it is none of our business. The rumors & speculation need to cease before they somehow cause further damage.
Tafari
Thank you, afrobella, for shedding light on the ignorance and sexism that this case is digging up. I, too, have seen the ignorant comments about her being too feisty (in the West Indian kinda way-roll my eyes) and her sexual health. Old ideas about women’s value and roles are pervasive and learned from generation to generation. This should be an opportunity for us to educate young people, and each other, about the cyclical epidemic of intimate partner violence because they are so loved by teens and many older fans. These types of stories are in the NY Daily News all the time happening to non-celebrities…now that it’s happening to a couple you’d probably never suspect, I hope that people will think about violence in their own lives and how to stop the cycle.
People are trying to seem clever and swim against the tide. The whole pimp/’ho approach to life is supposed to be a cool thing. I feel like our Caribbean people need a serious re-education.
I saw on twitter that you were going to comment on this and I wanted to say good for you. My parents are from Trinidad and it offends me to hear people speak that way about people from the Caribbean. I have noticed tension between Black Americans and Caribbean people, but to say that all ‘island women’ (that term is so offensive) are crazy is just wrong.
Also, the AA community needs to wake up about domestic abuse and domestic violence. Why the need to defend the man. In nearly every situation it plays out the same. Blame the woman. It’s just wrong.
What an IGNORANT set of people. I’m so glad you wrote this post. It needed to be said. Where do people get off taking some half-baked stereotype of people they know nothing about, and present it as it were some immutable fact?
There is so much ugly commenting on gossip blogs, all the time, no matter what the subject, but this particular issue makes my blood boil, especially the “island woman” thing. It’s as if nobody remembers that there are real living breathing people involved in this. Individuals who may be celebrities but are still people with feelings and problems.
This is the price we pay for free speech, I guess. But I literally cry tears of rage whenever I hear a woman blamed in this way. I really do. My heart goes out to both of them, though. I’m sure they’re both hurting like crazy and wishing they weren’t so damn famous.
Finally, in my four years as a foreigner living in the Caribbean, if I had to generalize about West Indian women, I would say that they tend to be strong women who don’t take shit from their men but also don’t stand for drama, and above all, take care of their friends and families in a way that most white Americans can’t even fathom. They certainly do not tend to be violent. They are the opposite of that. I really really hate to generalize, but if I HAD to, that is what I would say.
Bravo, Afrobella. I have heard so many rumors and so much speculation about something that we really know so little about. And believe it or not, I actually feel sorry for both parties involved. Definitely for Rihanna as I don’t care what she did, it doesn’t excuse hitting her whatsover. I hope that she can move on from the situation and remain strong. Chris Brown, I hope that he gets the help that he needs and hopefully he can learn and grow from this grave mistake.
Wow. I couldn’t have said it better myself. It was straight to the point and i agree with you 100%. Domestic abuse is never ok and people need to stop with their assumptions and the rude stereotypical comments because they don’t know what truly happened. Only Chris and Rihanna.
Girl, I was ready to throw my laptop out the window last night. People are seriously f*cked up, especially black people.
I read all kinds of crazy theories and explanations. I honestly can see why a)black women are often victims of violence and b)they rarely report it or pursue any justice when their attacker is a black man. The cloak of silence in our community aurroinding intimate partner violence is staggering. The blame almost always lies on the woman, who should “know better” than to “get in a man’s face.” There is no report of her assaulting him first yet most people assume that she must have instigated something and was looking to get her faced punched because women “like drama”.
If a woman pushes your buttons to the point where you can get violent with her, you need to get the hell away from her. If women are expected to leave their abusers, men should be held to the same standard. If a woman is verbally abusive and antagonistic, why can’t a man just leave her alone? Oh, I know why, because men want the sex but none of the consequences. If a woman is emotionally unstable (and I am not saying that Rihanna is, I don’t know her) then a man has the responsibility of severing ties with her. He shouldn’t keep messing with her and then use the “she pushed my buttons” excuse when he loses his temper. Unless a woman is coming at you with a weapon she can never hurt you the way you can hurt her. This is common sense and nature – this is why athletes are separated by gender and not by simply weight/height/age.
If men can’t handle a woman’s mouth or her temper and feels like she is crazy he needs to stop sleeping with her. End of story.
I’m of the opinion that men shouldn’t hit women, but women in turn shouldn’t hit men.
I’ve seen some of the horrible comments today (one of the ones you posted was on twitter). It’s sad. What also makes me sad is that I heard someone say that “too bad this happened to Rihanna” as though it would have been better to happen to someone else. Nobody should be hit or suffer abuse, famous or not, and it is a problem that plagues society. I hope this brings awareness to the seriousness and prevalence of domestic abuse.
Maybe I need to write about this.
I totally agree with you Bella. Domestic violence is a very serious matter and at NO time should it be taken lightly. I think there should be more programs geared towards helping those who are affected by this issue to get out of their situations.
I feel exactly the way you do! I friend of mine made an insensitive comment when I told him and that made my blood boil. I immediately began to verablly chastise him. As a girl who witnessed not only my father’s bad behavior, but several uncles too domestic violence is my pet peeve! There is NO rational reason to give and Mr. Brown should learn now that this is the wrong thing to do so that later he’s not a man in his 40s pulling the same stunt and justifying it.
Thank you Afrobella. You took the words right out of my mouth. Domestic Violence is not funny under any circumstances. Period.
Bella, don’t let these commenters rile you up – a large percentage of them are prone to saying things just to get arguments started.
This story is just crazy to me and I’m serioucly wondering what they could have been arguing about to cause all of this.
Afrobella you are right, nobody knows what went on besides the people that were involved. I had heard nothing of the incident until I heard my 12 year old son yell out “Chris Brown beat up Rihanna!” he saw it on the Today Show. This is a very sad situation for anybody but when young people are involved the media makes it worse because this one incident will follow the two of them for the rest of their careers. I hope its all just a big misunderstanding.
AMEN, Afrobella! I also posted about this because I have been absolutely horrified and enraged about the awful comments being left on some of these blogs! It has been shocking and just sad to see the attitude that Rihanna deserved this for being too clingy or herpes or for having a bad singing voice! How sad that folks on these sites cared more about Michael Vick’s dogs than they do about a black woman.
You can tell a lot about a country by way women are valued. It makes me so angry how when women are beat/raped/violated people are so quick to say that SHE must have provoked it. (This is not to draw conclusions, as I don’t know all the facts on the Chris & Rihanna situation).
I agree with you, no matter WHAT the case was, nobody should be commenting that she “deserved” what she got because “island women are crazy.” ARE THEY CRAZY? Who says that???
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – people become real gangster behind the anonymity of a screen name. If you were face to face with Rihanna, OR Chris Brown, would you really say something crass like that? I hope not.
I don’t read comments and gossip blogs for the ignorance and hatred they spew. My b.p is already too high from reading the economics section of NYT.
I’m appalled that people are taking this issue lightly but honestly I’m not surprised. Black people as a whole regardless of their country of origin are paternalistic and *most* will usually take the man’s side when it comes to domestic violence. Sad but true.
And like you Bella, I’m very disappointed that Chris Brown witnessed this as a child and is now exhibiting that same behavior. It just goes to show he has some issues he has not completely dealt with.
PLEASE look at THIS bull***t here and read the comments. I wrote 2 comments and that’s it. I refuse to raise my blood pressure for ignorant jackasses while I’m at an already stressful job. :-/
http://rhymeswithsnitch.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-know-i-know.html
I apologize in advance if the link I provided makes your blood pressure rise. It’s just disgusting how people can actually say these ignorant things as if they’re okay.
The situation is bad for BOTH parties. He still, however, has NO right to hit a woman. I did not know until today that he grew up in an abusive home, so now it makes a tiny bit of sense. BUT it still does NOT excuse the behavior.
I read on another site how Chris’ mom was not at all pleased with the relationship. She thought they were too serious. I agree. They are both very young trying to carry on like adults. Neither of them is mature enough to know how to deal with being in such a highly publicized ADULT relationship. They are simply not ready for this. Most adults over 30 can’t handle this kind of pressure.
The thing that really alarms me about this is the young fan base they both have and the message that this incident and all the comments send. They should both be enjoying life and growing in their careers. Yes, its normal to have a boyfriend/girlfriend at this age, but not a serious relationship with anyone. I wish them the best.
And parents, be careful what you allow around your kids. They retain it all, and do what they know….whether good or bad.
while watching with my friends we got the news via E. today I’ve been busy but I figured I would check my reader and see what came up.. U betta dan me bella.. comments I try NOT to read for the ignorance that comes out.. As a fellow island gal.. I’m offended at the level of ignorance but you know what it doesn’t surprise me.. it happens in everyday living and I’m no celebrity.
I pray they are both ok and that justice is served..
Bella, I am so happy that you have opened up the can of worms on this topic.I have to tell the truth,and the whole truth from my heart.Every women that I have met that was from Trinidad, Africa, Jamaica,and even hispanic women attitudes have been very nasty toward me no matter how nice I try to be.I never understood what it was,and I probably won’t ever understand either.I’m not saying ALL foreign women have nasty attitudes,but the women that I have met do.I have never met you in person Bella,but you are a very sweet person online.Now there is never an excuse to put your hands on someone for any reason,and we all need to know the truth before we play the blame game.
Bella I read those comments too on my fave black gossip blog and it made my stomach churn with the level of ignorance displayed “i dont care what chris brown did i still love him, she probably deserved it” “she probably has that island voodoo on him”
even when seemingly sensible people leave educated comments asking them to use their brains, the ignorant simply reply obscenely…its so sad……..
Mrs.Mckinzie, I must ask myself, if everyone that you have met from my region has been nasty to you…could it be the way you approach them instead? do you really just believe that we all walk around with an attitude??? you know…if you start out lookign for it…you WILL find it.
@ Irie did you not read my comment thoroughly before you typed?I clearly stated that no matter how nice I try to be there is always this attitude that I get just like the one i’m getting from you so I rest my case.
as i said Mrs. Mckinzie, if you start out by looking for it you will find it. if you start a conversation stating you’ve never come across an islander without an attitude, my reaction will be to wonder why.
you have a good day
When I first heard the story last night, I was already preparing myself for the hate speech that would follow. I just finished training with a Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault program here in New York and its so depressing the way that survivors are initially victimized by a loved one then potentially by law enforcement and medical staff. When a woman is the ones\ being victimized, its like everyone is trying to find a reason to blame her or figure out what she did to cause or escalate the situation. I think women of color suffer from this more because all of the negative stereotypes of us. In the case with celebrities, everyone is going to have their say and a lot of it is going to be hateful and ignorant (just look at that pedophile R. Kelly). All I can say is I’m hoping Rihanna gets the support that she needs through all of this.
I take offense to the comments as a woman! Island or not.
I have been hit by a man, and I grew up in a home where my mother used to beat up my stepfather. There is NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE!!!
I always felt Chris and Rihanna were too young to be so serious. I don’t think either of their careers will ever be the same. And that’s too bad.
Hi Bella,
I first saw this on Concreteloop and after reading some of the comments I had to just sign off of the website, to keep from attacking alot of the people that had such ignorant comments. I’m a big fan of both of them and they deserve privacy and respect at this time. No one knows what really happened and no one should make assumptions until THEY decide to come forward.But hearing about it is really sad and upsetting. These 2 are crazy about each other.
@ Irie, you shouldn’t have responded to Mrs McKinzie, I was going to write the exact same thing you wrote but guessed what her response would be, and I wasn’t too far off from her response.
As an island woman myself I knew the ignorance would rise to the top sooner or later.
The best you can do is educate people around their ignorance and hope they’ll see the light.
No woman regardless of circumstances deserves to be beat/hit. Not ethnic descent, situational issues, provocation not NOTHIN-
This is a sad situation. But the fact is no one knows what went on but the two of them. Everything is so out of control with rumors and speculation.
Is domestic violence ever ok? No. Should it ever be justified? No.
There is a lot that is not known in this case. And everyone is condemning Chris or Rhianna, saying they are too young or whatever, it makes me sad.
I pray that they both are okay and get the support they need to handle and get through this terrible situation.
What it boils down to this is that a young man is in serious trouble for what he allegedly did. I say allegedly because I was not there and do now know the full facts of the situation. A young man’s career and his freedom hang in the balance. A young woman was victimized and abused (to what extent is unknown – reports vary from a scratch to a bruise to a black eye to black and blue all over). A young woman is going to need strength and support to deal with this and come through to the other end. Two young people are hurting (and probably lost and confused) by a situation that no one should have to deal with.
Wow!@ceecee you are so proving my comment to be true also.I am typing an honest comment,and you two are attacking me for that what a shame.
I’m having a difficult time writing a comment regarding domestic violence. I think one of the things we need to consider is that while it is most often men against women, there are instances where it is women against men. No matter how we look at it, it’s wrong and something NO ONE should have to put up with.
I do believe abusers need help because there is always something behind their need to abuse. It can be alcohol, history, family, lack of anger management, etc. It is not the target of the abuser to determine what the problem is. Just get out and make sure you notify someone that this person has a problem with hitting.
Speaking to those around abusers and those they abuse, let’s not sit idly by anymore. Those excuses of running into a door or falling don’t wash. I remember a time when family, friends and neighbors would get involved. We need to see that again.
As for stereotypes, I know people who have said the same thing about black women. Being nuts or crazy. It’s a shame that some people choose to believe that the stereotype is just that. Stereotype or not, domestic violence, no any violence is wrong.
Bella, thanks for bringing this to light. Not because of the young celebrities but because it is a bigger issue and happens to so many.
woah come again. the last i read about was that she was not at the grammys and had been seen looking sad. also that chris was being dog tastic
now this oh my days. what is going on. I pray for her. I pray for him aswell because if they start yong doing that and they do not correct the behaviour only God knows where he will end up.
OK, I was hoping to just let the comments continue, but I feel the need to interject here.
Mrs. McKinzie, you’re a regular here on Afrobella, and so are Irie Diva and ceecee. I have respect for all of you. But Mrs. McKinzie, your initial comment strayed from the point of this post (domestic violence, and that it shouldn’t happen to anyone), and initially addressed negative stereotypes about women from different countries. I can see where that would be off-putting. So let me address that, from my own experiences.
I’ve encountered clannish attitudes and unfriendly behavior from women of all kinds of different ethnicities. Yes, including my own Caribbean people, Latin women, African American women, Caucasian women… the list goes on. Does that make me assume that all women of a particular ethnicity or culture will be nasty towards me? No. And it shouldn’t.
There is a very unfortunate us versus them mentality that in my opinion, exists to divide women of color. I know in the past, my own attitude towards other people and different cultures has led to the way they’ve treated with me. And sometimes, the so called “attitude” has been completely in my own head. Mrs. McKinzie, with all due respect I believe that is what Irie Diva was initially trying to say. By making the loaded statement, “Every women that I have met that was from Trinidad, Africa, Jamaica, and even hispanic women attitudes have been very nasty toward me no matter how nice I try to be,” it begs the question — where are you meeting these people? What has made you feel that their attitude towards you was nasty? Could it be the nature of the encounter that is ultimately to blame? What kind of women then have managed to NOT give you the attitude you speak of, if entire regions of women have managed to make you feel this way? There is more to consider here. However, this isn’t necessarily the forum for that discussion.
The point I was trying to make with this post, is that excusing away domestic violence on the basis of any kind of stereotype or assumption about women or color or culture is just wrong. Excusing away domestic violence is just wrong in general. I’m praying for both Chris Brown and Rihanna, their families, and the less glamorous people who deal with domestic violence and its resulting issues far away from the media spotlight.
Love and respect to you all.
ps as for the derogatory comments – ignorant folk. thats all that can be said
….There have been several reports of obsessive reports on her part. Does it make it ok for him to lay his hands on her? No. But I’m not a fan of the whole “A woman can smack a man a number of times and he’s just supposed to take it”. He wasn’t right but neither was she.
I’m inclined to believe that it was a mutual fight and they laid hands on each other. Young people (I’m 19 by the way) are quick to anger and tend to be physical. It happens. Pity it happened on a night they both needed to be somewhere.
Bella, the title “AS An Island Woman” tells me that you are one sided with this matter.You really did’nt read my comment either,and that really hurts,because I thought atleast you would read my comment ,and stay neutral.The doctors office,the mall,the grocery stores,the african braiding shop,the nail shop is where i’m meeting these people on a daily basis.I know that it’s not me imagining this ,but anywho let’s find out what really happened before we take sides.
hehehe
i saw this coming a mile away..
maybe you all should address this matter like all the other dumb ish that goes on in our community… light vs dark, straight vs nappy, american vs west indian…come on folks what else is there..
..black folks never cease to amaze me…
I was reading some of the comments on the other websites & on here and I am like whoa….its escalating badly. Its terrible when young people like Chris B. & Rihanna have to indulge themselves in this type of behavior…another thing, its universal for men & women to have domestic disputes and arguements of some kind, ethnic backgrounds don’t have anything to do with it…it happens to everybody at one point.
i definitely did not read any comments after hearing about this situation. the comments on most gossip blogs are usually horrible and purely for shock value. i am also sad about domestic violence and the issues that continue to plague women of color. at the same time, i also made a comment to one of my friends about chris messing with a woman from Barbados–I didn’t perceive it as negative. I saw it similar to how we (afr. americans) say don’t mess with a southern woman, she might throw hot grits on you. perhaps some of the comments you mentioned may have been adding a different type of note to the discussion–which may be offensive just in its tone. but not in a way to disparage women from the west indies…
Some of the comments regarding the Chris Brown situation truly highlight the dysfunction and sickness that runs rampant in the African American. Xenophobia, domestic violence, excusing criminal behavior-it’s out of control. The mentality behind those comments has come to represent the “norm”-horrifying. I don’t want to be anywhere near people who think like that.
^^^
“African-American community”
Afrobella I heard this “crazy island b****” stuff today at work. I’d never heard such craziness before. I also heard woman saying they would have hit Rhianna too if they were Chris Brown.
WTF? I agree with you. Under no circumstances should a man raise his hand to a woman.
I think the assumptions that Rhianna started the altercation,and aggravated Chris Brown to point where he (‘rightfully’) physically abused her is ridiculous. There is no way that Rhianna deserved that. If someone says something that you don’t like, what gives you the right to lay your hands on them? I am not a big fan of Rhianna, but I do enjoy listening to her music, and for all the people making racist comments, it’s just completely uncalled for.
I wouldn’t get too worked up about comments left on those sites. I’ll bet you a lot of them are from jealous, catty, women looking for an excuse to go after Rihanna. And some celebs nowadays pay people to troll the internet to look for stories and make comments. Who’s to say some of those comments aren’t from Chris’ people attempting to plant doubt. If Chris goes down, their paychecks stop.
Hey Bella,
I think people would have “filled in the blank” with the ethnicity in the situation involving black women. Women of African descent are not valued in this country regardless of nationality because of the stereotypes. It would have been, “you know Nigerian/Ghanian/Afro-Canadian/African American/Black/Jamaican, etc are too pushy,dominating,demanding” or what other BS they tell themselves to excuse a man when he hits a woman.
I understand why you take offense. And as a black (African-American) woman I take offense to all these people excusing domestic violence. I’m reminded of a line in the Color Purple Mister to Celie “you’re poor, you’re black, you’re a woman, you’re nothing at all”. This mindset has damaged our community seemingly beyond repair.
Raven:
A lot of this allegations are coming from people that have worked with Rihanna in different venues and dealt with the fact that she has to know where Chris is every single second of the day, something that would be a stretch with average people and is completely unpractical given their occupations.
Fighting in general is wrong period. I think we’re doing women a disservice by assuming Rihanna is completely innocent in the matter and painting her to be the victim.
Again, I’m believing it was a two sided fight until evidence proves otherwise.
I also agree with the poster who said Bella might be too close to this one to be objective. The mindset that only men hit women is damaging. Abuse doesn’t discriminate based on color OR GENDER.
Get the facts people or leave it alone.
As an black woman who is North American (I’m tired of labels), who has lived all her life in multi-ethnic New York City, I am here to say that everyone has a bias or negative statement whether intended or not against another ethnicity. However, if you have come into contact with other nationalities/ethnic groups, you learn that everyone is one and the same.
I watch a lot of cable news channels from BBC, CIN and UniVision/Telemundo and Namaste America. I can tell you, that domestic violence/child abuse and sexual abuse against children (another pet peeve) are everywhere; based on the news stories I see (and I have to admit, global television news channels are much better, here in US you would never get as real as these channels do), what I have learned is many people big up their culture and country, and sya that certain things do not exist, but when I see these news channels I have concurred that they have same situations just as they do here in USA.
I agree, I have heard derogatory comments made about Carribean people, BUT I have also heard Carribean people make derogatory comments as well (last week, heard a woman say to another, “You’re getting fat and looking like a black american”…WTF???? I also hate when blacks here in the US say: These West Indians are sneaky, cheap etc. I once sat in my company’s cafeteria and heard the catering staff (all Carribean) place labels on one another….”Jamaicans are cheap, Bajans are liars, Haitians are thieves”….I couldn’t believe it. Here I was thinking that they had some unity, and they were tearing each other up and laughing about it. It was sad.
My take on this, people are ignorant. Make a note and move on. And as far as the internet is concerned, I agree with poster “ceecee” who said:
“I don’t read comments and gossip blogs for the ignorance and hatred they spew. My b.p is already too high from reading the economics section of NYT.”
Well said. Read NYT comments and you find some sense of dignity of the poster, read your local newspaper and you see the hate spewing forth like maggots on rotten meat.
With that said, Chris and Rhianna were too young to be so serious, and they both need to separate after this incident. Chris needs to see a therapist and receive anger management classes. It is a sad situation for both people who have the world ahead of them, but alas life goes on.
Oh yes and Bella, I applaud you for this discussion, I love this blog! 🙂
What ridiculousness is this? Why do we continue to coddle abusive behaviour? What role does one’s country of birth have to do with any of this? What does there age have to do with anything? I was in serious relationships at their age and was -never- hit. Would it be better if they were older? Stop looking for excuses. Age is not an apology. Age is also not a reason to be non-commital or screwing around. Maturity is not a number, and neither is decency. We really need to sort our heads around the attitudes that are being brought out by this unfortunate incident
Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!
It is extremely important to remember that what happened is not a joke. I applaud you for taking a responsible stand on the subject and not using it as fodder to get people to read your blog.
Peace
Thank you for this post! I agree with everything you said. The first I heard of this was this morning on the Tom Joyner Morning Show when J. Anthony Brown made another offensive comment about “island womenâ€. It makes me sick that someone with an audience as large as that would think it ok to make such a dangerous and cavalier remark about domestic violence.
I commend you for being able to sift through those boards with those terrible and ignorant comments. I can’t do it. Just the few that I’ve seen about seeing both sides of the story and how women can commit DV too are making my blood boil. Comments like those are about as valid as the argument for “reverse racism.†Tell me, if this story was about a black man being beaten by a white man or better yet a white police officer, would we be talking about seeing both sides or about how Black men can also attack white men? Of course not, because such comments would be irrelevant to the case at hand and would be obvious signs of racism. Why is it so easy for us to see that but not see sexism and misogyny?
There is no excuse for domestic violence whether it be by a man or a woman (though in the majority of cases it’s perpetrated by a man). This situation is sad. What makes it even sadder are the number of Black folks quick to throw out stereotypes about our own and the number of women who’ve been brainwashed into believing that such behavior is ok. Both reek of self-hatred.
What a shame.
No matter what C. Brown says, apology or not, Rihanna needs to run fast and far away from him, and whoever his “peeps” are.
Black misogynists are having fun with this situation. No surprise. Haven’t people noticed that for the last few decades abusing black women (verbally, physically, stupid movies, etc.) was okay?
The cycle of devaluation of our womanhood continues – as entertainment. Statistically, guess who suffers the most from domestic violence out of all women?
This situation is tragic. However, I applaud Rihanna for taking a stand and making a report,a lot of women in our community are not able to do this. I hope that women; young and old, in similar situations will be brave enough to speak up and out when violence is perpetrated against them by men/women no matter their status. I am currently an intern at a community mental health agency that provides services to families affected by abuse (sexual, physical, emotional) victims and perpetrators. Children who witness domestic violence are often “invisible” victims and based on Chris’ own reporting he witnessed significant abuse as a child, with apparently no therapy (?). I see children who present with PTSD, depression, and who unfortunately may commit violent (physical or sexual) acts against others. Bella as a Barbadian an “island woman” myself I am not sure how to respond to the comments you highlighted as I think such comments only serve to revictimize and detract from the real issue. One of the things I make a point to do when people begin with the stereotypes about Black people being this or that way is to simply respond by saying “Black people do not have a monopoly on vices”. I guess in this situation I would have to tweak it to say “Island women do not have a monopoly on vices!” Kudos to you for identifying community resources for persons affected by violence.
God bless you afro bella. God bless you.
Sadly the majority of people saying she probably started/deserved it are other women.
Since I don’t really follow pop culture very closely this post and its comments (not the outside links, though — I stay far away from gossip blogs) is the most I’ve read about this incident, so thanks for making it, Bella.
I often ask myself: Are people really getting stupider as I’m getting older, or have people always been stupid and I’m just getting better at spotting it?
Men are not supposed to hit women because men are (almost always) STRONGER and can do more damage. I do not understand why stupid people forget that and claim that women hitting men is the same. It’s NOT!
Making generalizations about a whole ethnicity or gender only shows your own STUPIDITY and narrowmindedness. How about getting out of your tiny-ass box and living LIFE?
Finally, since we know that Chris Brown comes from a violent background, Rihanna and any other woman WITH SENSE need to stay away from him UNLESS AND UNTIL he goes through some deep counseling…which I’m sure he can afford. Will that happen? Of course not. Why? BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE STUPID!!!!
(The generalization I’m making applies to the whole human race regardless of color, gender, etc.) 😉
One more thing: I have to cosign ceecee and MoniMoni about the kinds of material you let into your brain. Maybe I should have replaced “stupid” with “ignorant” in my previous post. I try to avoid ignorance whenever and wherever possible. A lot of celebrity media, esp. that which is on the Internet, is a magnet for ignorance. And the sad thing is that you know most of these ignorant mfers wouldn’t say aloud what they say online.
thank you afrobella!
I’m the daughter of an “island woman” and don’t know what the heck those ignorant comments mean.
I hope Mr. Brown gets some help if these charges are true.
Well said bella.
Hey Bella,
Hope the dialogue in the comment section isn’t bringing you down. This blog and other pieces are driving discussion and even if we (people) don’t agree in the end, we have addressed the issue and been given the opportunity to open ourselves up and learn not only about the issue, but about ourselves and each other. If we don’t make the most of these opportunities, shame on us. If we use the comment sections to vent, attack or make light, we are waisting our own time. Let people rest on their biases and confuse them with conviction, and take no offense when they state opinion as fact and anecdote as evidence. Please, keep writing about what you are passionate about, and please don’t shy away from controversy. Words have power and can inspire action–even if that action is just to create conversation–and you are doing your part to nudge people away from apathy and complacency.
Even in her own home country of Barbados people are laughing at this incident.Bella if you heard some of the things people are saying about Rihanna , it would make you question if there are any compassionate human beings left.
I’ve said on another blog , that I find it interesting the white blogs have almost convicted him and the black blogs are saying she deserved it.
BlackMuse thank you for this statement: “Tell me, if this story was about a black man being beaten by a white man or better yet a white police officer, would we be talking about seeing both sides or about how Black men can also attack white men? Of course not, because such comments would be irrelevant to the case at hand and would be obvious signs of racism. Why is it so easy for us to see that but not see sexism and misogyny?”
If this was about a police officer abusing a black man we would not care if he was outside a crack house. We’d say the officer was still wrong for abusing him like that or using disproportionate force.
Another thing I don’t understand is why people keep trying to pretend like they’re bringing up something that’s never been discussed before when they say that women sometimes start the fight by hitting the man. Everytime an abuse case comes up that excuse/reasoning (whatever you want to call it) is trotted out. It’s always ‘we don’t know what she did to provoke him. She may have hit him first.’ This happens even if their is no evidence that the woman attacked the man, and it may be wrong of me (since abuse of males does occur), but I get sick of hearing people say that everytime something like this happens. I guess it just bothers me the way some posters have been acting like they’re bringing some new fact to light that women are hiding so they can get away with accusing men of domestic violence. Some of the comments have been so rude that I just stopped reading them.
Wow! I was not there so I can’t speculate on anything. I just know that my heart is hurt by this and I can only hope that both of them eventually heal and seek help from these wounds (both the physical and emotional).
PLEASE BELLA & SUBSCRIBERS VIEW COMMENT #41 by SacredAngel
“I’m inclined to believe that it was a mutual fight and they laid hands on each other. Young people (I’m 19 by the way) are quick to anger and tend to be physical. It happens. Pity it happened on a night they both needed to be somewhere.â€
I’m 28 & have a sister in law that is 15 & my best friend’s sister is 18 and both wouldn’t blink twice if you ask them if they would fight a boy. Some young women today think it’s perfectly fine to stay in a relationship where they are being hit, if they hit back. If it all matters to some readers one young lady is black & one is white. Let me also say I BURRIED my 21 year old sister in-law last year that was in one of these “relationshipsâ€, shot in the head after one of these “mutual-fightsâ€. I don’t know what the situation is with CB or Rihanna but I do know that domestic violence needs to be talked about in our communities and at a younger age then you would think. Thank you Bella for this post.
Great pot – Bella. I rarely read to celeb blogs and had no idea that this was the hot topic. As a woman of West Indian ancestry I take offense to the “crazy island woman ” comments – painting women with a large brush in negative one stroke.
Hitting a woman is wrong – period regardless. And blaming the woman because her actions provoked her attacker or “caused ” her attacker to hit her were outlandish 50 yrs ago and are outlandish today. There is never a situation where a man is justified in beating a woman.
I hope that the family and friends of Rhianna and Chris provide mature and level-headed counsel for the 2 of them.
I teach at an all-girls high. Before class started yesterday, the girls were talking about the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident and one of them said, “She deserved it. She looks like someone who would be annoying. She needs to get popped in the head.” The statement was disturbing on so many levels. First of all, the girls are inundated with feminist ideals, so I wouldn’t expect that comment from any of them. Second of their young women and I hate that they think if a person “did something to deserve it,” they should be abused physically.
Thank you for the wisdom and insight here. It’s such a mess already and a very teachable moment for our community.
Also @ Mrs.Mckinzie,
I don’t know your background or where you are from but growing up in the Bay Area I’ve been exposed to every Culture you can think of, what you are feeling is a nasty attitude towards you can be a misunderstanding of culture. Something as simple as a greeting, some cultures don’t wave, don’t shake hands, look you directly in the eye or may return a “hello” with a small nod, might be considered rude if you aren’t aware of the intention behind it. I’m not saying this is what is happening in your case but I’m just trying to offer a different perspective.
When I first visited NY, I was going from stereotypes on TV & movies and I thought everyone was going to be rude but when I got there I realized that NYers aren’t rude but are very direct because their lifestyles are more fast-paced than California’s. What some may think is rude, I took as a form of communication necessary for the every day hustle & bustle. Shout out the BRONX!
I’m not inclined to believe it’s abuse until an investigation by someone authorized to do so says so. I live by facts and I’m sorry if that’s not good enough for some of you. Abuse female to male does happen and is often overlooked due to pigeonholing. Which is why you wait until trained professionals investigate until you make up your mind.
Bella as a college educated person (because gender is irrelevant to this) and a journalist I expected more from you and frankly I’m disappointed. Objectivity and the actual truth is the name of the game.
Perfectly said. I couldn’t agree more.
” I’m not inclined to believe it’s abuse until an investigation by someone authorized to do so says so.”…
What else do you need? Hospital, reports, dark SUV with lawyer driving, endorsements cancelled…what else do you need?
Abuse is abuse no matter who does what to whom. One thing for sure, he’s not getting dropped from deals because they don’t have the facts..
I hope to God no one ever goes upside your head (or anyone else you may know and love) and then tells you, until they get an investigation authorized they won’t believe you/them.
My God…that’s a careless statement if I’ve ever heard one.
Not to mention, your parting words to Bella were quite disrespectful. Bella is quite older (than you that is, since your website states that you are 19) and most of us on this site may have a bit more experience in living life. So that was completely uncalled for.
Actually no it wasn’t. Bella is a journalist. Part of journalism is being objective. Someone else said it also: as a woman from the islands she might be too close to this to give it a good eye.
Whatever happened to the truth?
And you’re completely right. Abuse no matter who does it is wrong. Which is why I’m not calling CB an abuser and I’m not calling Rihanna an abuser. It’s not up to me or any of you to believe her and run with it. It’s up to the police to investigate it and her family to support her. Point blank period.
Thanks for coming to my defense, Moni Moni, but I’m really not too concerned about what Sacred Angel thinks about my opinion or my blog or my journalistic integrity. Yes, I’ve worked as a professional, paid journalist. But this is my blog, my opinion, my place online to state what I think and how I feel. And Sacred Angel, perhaps someday you’ll realize how your statements here come across to me and to others.
I never denied female/male abuse takes place, where did you even get that from? My point is, Chris Brown should never have hit her. He is bigger and stronger, has martial arts training and obviously can inflict more damage. He is a man. Men should not hit women. Plain and simple. As I said in my post, the only people that presently know exactly what happened between this young couple are Chris Brown, Rihanna, whoever may have been in the vehicle with them, and the law enforcement officials who are investigating this crime. I am not posting the crazy hearsay and rumors I’ve seen on other blogs, but here someone goes, accusing me of lacking objectivity and journalistic skills. All I can do is sigh and move on to the next post, and wish you the best of luck with life.
Sacred Angel, feel free to keep on being disappointed. I’m going to keep on stating my opinion and my truth as clearly as I possibly can. Not everyone will understand, and not everyone will be pleased. You’ve proven that tonight. Blessings.
DA asks police for more investigation of Brown
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP Special Correspondent
2 hrs 59 mins ago
LOS ANGELES – A district attorney’s spokeswoman says Los Angeles police have presented a case regarding singer Chris Brown, but county prosecutors have asked for further investigation.
Spokeswoman Jane Robison did not release information on the nature of the case police presented to prosecutors Tuesday, and she says the district attorney’s office will have no further comment pending the investigation.
Police booked Brown on Sunday for investigation of making a criminal threat after a woman accused him of assaulting her the night before the Grammy Awards.
The Los Angeles Times, citing unidentified law enforcement sources, has reported that the woman is pop superstar Rihanna, his longtime girlfriend.
Brown is free on $50,000 bail.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What more is needed? Oh, and let’s just say it wasn’t Rhianna, since the reports state “a woman”, he assaulted someone. So what more abuse proof do you need? One thing is for sure, Rhianna has not been seen, has cancelled shows, so just how bad are her wounds?
One thing for sure, Chris did not post $50k in bail for nothing.
Being objective still does not give you the right to be careless with your statements, IMO journalist back in the day just got the facts, gave an opposing view, but did have a bit of ethics when delivering their views. Sensationalized journalism has made getting the news pure hell, not to mention unprofessional.
I respect that you know that there are two sides to a story, but remember, someone did get assaulted. Just as we have been saying that people have been making stupid statements, what you said was thoughtless. Any woman(or man if it would make you happy) who may have been abused would have read that and clearly felt that again, blame the victim.
Perfect statement for jury duty, not on print…you clearly sounded like a you were defending the person committing the crime.
You have your view, I have mine. And as I stated earlier, I hope you never get attacked by anyone, because those words may be the very ones that come back to haunt you.
Have good evening bellas!
Thank you for speaking out about this. You shouldn’t hit. Period. Men or Women.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha Sims
Hey Bella,
Not really coming to defense of just you, but for people in general. As I stated, people get really disrespectful on blogs and it is just uncalled for. Which is why I choose to read blogs or newspapers, such as this one, to get at least a view which does not dwell on name calling or grandstanding a persons “political/social viewpoint”.
Sigh…honey where is the humanity?! LOL!!
Have a good night Bella! P.S. Looking forward to reading about your move to Chi town!
Say what you want to. I’ve noticed this online before as far as what African American women expect and I’m over it. I don’t know you from Jane on the street and I’m approaching you as one blogger to another. Not parent to child or mentor to student or anything of that nature. I’m sorry if you were expecting something you were not due. You can have a personal blog and you can be an online journalist. Come across as both and you get what you got on this post.
You are assuming that Chris Brown hit Rihanna. Heck we’re assuming that the woman in question IS Rihanna. It could be some crazed fan and Rihanna is choosing to publicly stay out of it for the sake of her endorsements. Bottom line is no one knows.
Oh when I said that statement was perfect for jury duty, I meant that that statement would determine whether or not they would keep you on or throw you off the case…
Just had to clear that up.
Thanks, Moni Moni! I can’t wait for my move either!
You are not going to have every television and news report state that you are the one that was attacked, and have reports that you have bite marks, purple brusies, I mean really, if you are up on your journalism, you heard what they have said, and not at least be in the public eye. Especially if you have a career and endorsements as well.
If it was a crazed fan, I’m sure it would have came out by now.
Please.
And MM is supposedly this and allegedly that. Rihanna is not related to me. If she were I’d have a completely different viewpoint. But for me to get involved in a very personal point in someone’s life, I need cold hard facts. Otherwise their business is their business. And as for the bail that has a lot to do with his career. When have you ever seen a celebrity post a low bail?
Yes, Bella, and give us pictures! LOL!
I’m out…can’t even bear to get into it with sacredangel again…bless her twisted soul..
it’s*
At any rate arguing with people over the internet is ridiculous. We all have our own life views that have been shaped by a variety of different things.
….I’m tempted to say something but I won’t. I will note this as a time I exercised restraint.
Hello Bella,
Been following you on twitter for a while now,nice job.
Now, my thoughts.
Great publicity for both Chris and Rhianna.
There is a chance they may get back together.
People should go to therapy and learn to keep their hands to themselves.
Again, keep up the good work.
I agree with you Bella.. It is a sad situation and I hope that they are both able to get some help.. I don’t know what really happened and I just pray that they get through this. They are both beautiful and talented.. Abuse in any form isn’t ok and hopefully Chris will get some help.
whew! There is too much rumor and hearsay and personal opinions going around about Chris and Rihanna. WHATEVER happened, it is never ok to hit a woman if you are a man. I’m waiting for the facts to come out. The fact that he posted bail simply means that there was enough evidence to CHARGE him with something (NOT CONVICT him) and he agrees to appear in court to face those charges. They may be dropped at the araignment, or before then. Wait until we have all the facts before we judge either party. I was never a big Chris Brown fan and if this is true and he did hit her, for whatever reason, his career is OVER, hopefully. It’s sad all around that these two young people were both involved in this terrible event.
This is wonderful. So well written and CORRECT!
I got into a huge brawl on Gawker last night with a bunch of Chris Brown apologists who also suggested the media was going hard on him because he was black.
My response to that is: Where is the concern for the black WOMAN in this situation? Why is everyone more concerned that he might get railroaded than they are about whether she’s still got all her teeth after the beating he laid on her?
As I said last night, it’s still a man’s world.
As a Caribbean woman; born, raised and residing; I find it offensive that people think women from our region are crazy. I can’t help it if we represent ourselves and stand up for what we believe in. We’re feisty, we’re fighters and you don’t have to go all Rambo on a guy but I know if I’m being threatened I’m protecting me. I think that’s a character trait of most, not all but most, black women in general. My African American friends represent themselves as well when something is happening to them. Does that make them crazy?
On the other side of the game, abuse is abuse whether someone is laying their hands on you or verbally assaulting you. Abuse is wrong and it doesn’t matter your sex or race, it’s just wrong. I saw a comment from Kanye West on what happened and he said whether she’s a celeb or flippin burgers at McDonald’s she doesn’t deserve that. No one deserves abuse.
I’m sorry but when my daddy slipped and lost his mind and tried to beat me, and i’m not talking about some lil spanking that we usually get but fists and blows, I was hitting him right back. I came out with a black eye but so did he! That was the first and last and I represented myself. I didn’t do any voodoo or anything I just stood up for me.
People need to stop making excuses and realize he (Chris Brown) might be in need of help. The both of them might be in need. Let’s love Caribbean women and women and general. Say no to tearing one another down.
For all of those who say Bella can’t be “objective” (as if ANYONE can be totally objective) simply because she’s from the Islands….I suppose there are a lot of Black journalist who need to have their integrity automatically questioned now that Obama is in Office. Their ethnicity ALONE is not a hinderance. That assumption alone is offensive and implies that she has not the critical skills to at least attempt to analyze this without the “overpowering influence of her islandness”…PLEASE. Perhaps her opinion stems from her womanhood? Or simply a conclusion drawn from observation. And to the person who thinks all foreign Black women are mean to her. Often times when you see a “problem” that only seems to afflict you….YOU are the common denominator. It may be your misinterpretation of their behavior rather than some unfounded hate foreign black women have for you. Seriously where are our thinking caps…..
Domestic violence in uncool. There is no room for this type of behaviour in our society.
There can be no excuse for any type of abuse.
Young Brown needs urgent help.
I’m sure this will ruin his career. That’s what he gets! I don’t feel bad for anybody that beats women. My heart goes out to Rihanna, I have a daughter her age.
Bail is not determined due to the success of a person’s career, SacredAngel. It’s determined based on the severity of the crime and related charges.
Wow.. Why am I surprised at how we’re going at each other on this topic. Here I thought we black people were above this sort of thing since we pulled together and got our President elected. Instead, we’re fighting amongst ourselves.
I agree domestic violence is a shameful act to say the least. Chris will be punished and Rihanna will heal, and both will hopefully learn from this because they are young. But dont be surprised people if they end up back together. Will we still be taking sides?
I will admit that I am not a Rihanna fan even though she is a Barbadian like myself. I am very disturbed by what happened to her and Chris Brown.
Both of these young people need help with this very traumatic situation and not the cruel remarks that are being displayed on the websites. The internet gossip sites are filled with nonsensical headlines, content and comments which are not helping the matter.
Domestic abuse is not a joke and both Rihanna and Chris have been exposed to it in their homes, whether it might have been verbal or physical. And now it has reared its ugly head in their relationship.
This has drawn attention to all victims of abuse – the ones who have suffered and the ones who are still suffering as well as the many organisations who provide an avenue for abuse victims to get help.
There is no excuse for domestic abuse.
afrobella, i’m on your side. i can’t believe the derogatory comments people are making about rihanna and the dismissive comments where they are trying to pass off the event as unimportant. physical abuse is always important, whether it was inflicted on a man by a woman or by a man on a woman. rihanna has serious injuries and is most likely embarassed, confused and deeply hurt over what happened over her. she obviously loved chris, and for their relationship to come to this point is horrible. especially considering that they are so young. i just hope that rihanna can heal quickly–both physically AND emotionally, and if chris was the perpetrator–that he can get some counseling and kill his bad habits.
@sacred Angel.
You, unfortunately are extremely lacking in the intelligence dept.
Seriously, you should sit back and think about what you are saying before you say it.
At your age, you should know better. There are 14 year olds who know better.
Yes women hit men. What has that got to do with the price of milk in China?.
It might have escaped your notice cos you are obviously too busy deviating and introducing moot points to the subject.
Women hit men and Men hit women. It happens we can all agree on that. If you slap a person, the person has the right to slap you back.
However, this girl has bite marks. BITE MARKS on her. Are you that silly that you do not recognise that this is wrong.
Irrespective of what she ‘might have accused him of or what not’.
That is rage. Pure rage in expression.
The sad thing about you and your comments, apart from the fact that they aren’t cohesive and that they don’t really make sense.
It’s that, from the way you are going it’s obvious that it’s going to be just a matter of time before you are in the same situation yourself. And the first thing you will probably do is defend the person who abuses you by saying well I should have listened, or not talked back.
In addition, the other real shame here is that the very people you insulted will be the first to offer you support.
You talk like a victim waiting for this to happen. I’ll hazard at a guess and say your background is severely disfunctional.
If I were you, I’d seek counselling. You really need some help. If you are still in school I’d suggest you speak to a guidance counsellor. You are a ticking time bomb
The
I agree with you afrobella. This is a serious matter and no one’s business but Chris and Rihanna’s. I’m praying for them and their situation. One reader, MizJJ, commented that the AA community needs to wake up to domestic violence. By clumping everyone in the African American community into one category she’s doing the same thing she’s claiming to be annoyed by, which is putting everyone in a particular race in one stereotypical group. Ignorance to domestic violence is not an African American problem it crosses all races and ethnicities and should be addressed as such.
MD: You are correct domestic violence crosses all races and ethnicities, but violence against women in the AA community often gets ignored. Victim-blaming is common in our community. People blamed the young black girls in the R.Kelly case, people blamed Mike Tyson’s rape victim, and now (even though we don’t have all the info) people are blaming Rihanna. It is almost as if b/c you are black woman you are deserving of violence.
Many of us speak about issues being a problem in the African American/Black community because that is the community that we are most familiar with and most concerned about.
I am American born w/ Caribbean and Southern Roots. Very blended family. At the end of the day. All types of women from all ethnicities, Caribbean/AfricanAmerican/African and other places get abused by abusive men. There is no reason or excuse for abuse and women who stay w/abusers are either too mentally down to get back up or too scared to leave. People should really stop the foolishness with the stereotypes and it’s sad b/c these are two “kids” in the public eye. But please believe that this same situation is happening in the “hood and the burbs” in the U.S. Caribbean as well as abroad. Let’s get it together ppl *shaking head in disgust* P.S. follow me on twitter.
Well said, although I feel it’s important to add that domestic violence has no place in any relationship, whether it is the man who is initiating OR the woman. Many people incorrectly only state that it is wrong for men to hit women, which is true.
It is equally true that it is wrong for women to hit men (or act violently against them in general, hitting used as a generic example of DV). No one has the right to put their hands on another person, and that’s irrespective of gender, relationship, age or anything else. That double standard really bothers me.
This story is sad on many levels and the rumors that surround this situation have caused me to block anything about the pair.Furthermore, I am embarrased that anyone would say that Rihana was a “crazy Island chick”. As a woman of African heritage, Island or Chicagoan, Miamian or Trini, we are from the same origin. Other nationalities have said the same thing about ALL of us, despite what region of the world we are from. I hope that in 2009, we will discontinue such petty conceptions about Ourselves
I do not believe physical violence in a relatioship is necessary. With that being said if she did give that man Herpes… i’m not saying I agree but I do understand why he had to whip her…. But as it stands only they know exactly what happened. Everything else is speculation and or innuendo.
You know, I am not surprised by any of this.
Remember the great Billie Holiday singing “It costs me a lot, but it’s one thing that I got… my maaaaan” I watch the little girls I teach here in the south do any and every thing to get some male attention. So of course the view is that if he hits you, it is your fault and no biggie. All sorts of strange ideas are suggested.
As for the island woman thing, that does not surprise me either. I was listening to the Mike Baisden show last year coming home from work and he was basically perpetuating the same island women are crazy thing. I tried dating an American man whose mother reassured him that I was was working voodoo on him (I’m from Barbados, yes, like Rihanna). Had to leave that one alone.
Am I incensed? Not really. I just work daily to educate people away from these ideas.
First off, I think what Brown did was wrong. He did not know how to handle a woman in a domestic dispute.
People act like women are angel, some are but at the same time there are some who just aren’t.
Men need to be taught how to handle women. When a woman gets all fired up, she can become very offensive, abusive (verbally and emotionally) towards the man. Of course, the man is a human being so he gets hurt and becomes angry and anger is sometimes expressed as violence. From a guys point of view I think it’s the hurt that makes it hard to have discipline to not hit a woman.
With that out there, I would like to refine it by saying men need to be taught how to deal with women. Men don’t deal with their emotions as much as women. Women are more emotional, so when these two people come into contact (the “more emotional” female who can be offensive, hurtful, emotional abusive towards the male, and the “emotional” male)the male does not know how to handle all the emotional hurt and domestic violence usually occurs after. So the solution to this I think is for men to learn how to handle women when the WOMAN becomes emotionally and verbally abusive towards the man.
What I think Brown and Rihanna had an argument that night. Rihanna probably said some things to Brown and he was hurt and angry so he basically hit her. Which he should not have done, after he was hurt by Rihanna he should have left Rihanna and find a nice hotel somewhere to spend a couple of days and cool. That’s what I would have done.
some of these chicks have to be hit so a guy can get away. There is no way to honestly declare a man has no reason, ever, in any situation to restrain a woman. I will hit a person who hits me. Gender is not the issue
Filmmaker Mark Harris been exposed physical abuse in the entertainment industry in feature film I USED TO LOVE HER.
It’s interesting how everyone is now discussing physical abuse toward women in the hip hop community after the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident.
BUT feature film “I USED TO LOVE HER” a film written, directed and produced by Mark Harris of 1555 Filmwork screened in festivals all around the world and dealt with this exact same issue as its subplot. Simee Smith is a famous female singer who attempts to leave her hip hop superstar boyfriend who’s possessive and physically abusive.
TRAILER IS BELOW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmD0GQ6rVxU
Mark Harris was recently interviewed on ABC 7- link is below
http://podcast.com/episode/34888630/31550/
The buzz is that Rihanna has reconciled with Chris Brown and they are back together…
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20262240,00.html
I wonder what the message is being sent now for all those women who have been in domestic violence cases like Rihanna’s…
Though I believe the pictures were an invasion of Rhianna’s privacy, since they did get out let the pictures speak.
Chris Brown has made no statement I can find, that Rhianna physically provoked him or invited a physical attack upon herself.
Anyone finding the thinnest grounds to justify what Chris Brown did, including Chris Brown, needs help. If you cannot live without violating other people, then find your own kind and you can all beat the day lights out of each other.
Leave the rest of us alone. And just because Rhianna changed her mind, don’t expect someone you violate not to pursue legal retribution to the nth degree. Neither should you count on being treated differently than you treat others. Some of us get fed up and fight back and we’re not always the one to give up or fall.
Think about that.
Love makes things happen…you never who you your gonna love or how.
We just gotta pray that God takes control. amen
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