And now for something COMPLETELY different and a topic I don’t normally address…but this week I feel compelled to because of what I saw.
Red calendar via Shutterstock
Picture this.
I’m stuck at the back of a crowded bus headed down a busy downtown Chicago street. I look out the window and see two teenage boys make the ewww face at each other, and they seem like they’re in disbelief at what they’ve just seen. I look past them and they’re gawking at a 30-something year old woman. She is wearing a pastel colored mini skirt. She is slowly walking up the street, staring at her phone and texting…totally oblivious to the stares from everyone around her and the giant blood stain spreading all over the back of her skirt.
OMG. Nightmare by proxy.
I so wanted to jump off the bus and be like noooooooo!
But there was no way I could do anything. And when I was finally able to see this poor lady’s face, I fully expected her to look confused or disturbed…something to explain why NOBODY had seen fit to tell her “excuse me ma’am, you have a situation that needs to be addressed urgently…” and she looked perfectly normal. Just preoccupied with her phone, is all.
As the bus rolled away I found myself dealing with my feelings. Although nothing like that’s ever happened to me **knock on wood**, I can just imagine how that would feel. And that lady I saw isn’t alone – when I shared the story with a few friends the embarrassing personal stories came flooding out (so to speak). So many of us had experienced prior incidents that left us feeling ashamed and self conscious. And so many of us hadn’t shared these stories before, instead they remained bottled up inside. Maybe I couldn’t help the woman I saw on the street, but I can try to help others, right?
Aunt Flo. The crimson tide. The curse. The red accident. We all know what it is, and we all deal with it. And it’s no fun but it is what it is. Here’s how I deal with mine.
Best time-of-the-month apps
The Smartphone is the best thing to happen to women dealing with their menstrual cycles since the disposable tampon was invented. Thanks to Smartphones, we can now keep track of things without having to think much about it. This thing doesn’t have to be a surprise.
For iPad and iPhone there’s MANY to choose from. My Days has the best reviews, and users claim it’s incredibly accurate in terms of assessing ovulation, and you can use it to add text, remember if you took your pill, and more.
Pink Pad is a period tracker and social media network unto itself, where you can discuss women’s health issues in a safe space and get answers from users like yourself. Also now there’s a shop with carefully curated fertility items
Mood Horoscope and Period Tracker is exactly what it sounds like, but instead of sassy humor it gives you sensible advice, like how much iron you need to ingest and what exactly your hormones are doing to cause the emotional rollercoaster you’re experiencing.
For Android phones, there’s Period Tracker which is cute and discreet, Period Calendar which is popular, and MyCycles, which is basic and very…floral.
The products I always turn to
This isn’t the kind of shopping I spend a whole lot of time thinking about. I have an order of preference, and that’s entirely based on durability of product and cost. In general, my order goes like this:
I keep a collection of pads and tampons on me at all times, so no emergency situation can get the best of me. This is ESPECIALLY essential when traveling. I speak from experience.
Also, it’s a sensible bit of advice to wear super comfortable shapewear or bike shorts during your time, to avoid accidents like I witnessed. It’s not always going to work depending on your outfit, but it’s valuable insurance for the menstrual cycle unsure and insecure.
Best tips for unfortunate laundry of this nature
Seeing the woman on the street made me so sad for her emotions and for her wardrobe. To add insult to injury, that cute mini skirt may have been ruined. Here’s what helps when you’ve got to deal with unfortunate laundry of this nature.
– blot the stain. Don’t rub. Blot. Use a paper towel. Absorb as much of it out as you can.
– only wash the stain with COLD water. Hot water will essentially ensure that it won’t ever come out.
— there are several methods you can try, including saltwater, detergent, and ammonia. This Wikihow page is very helpful.
— Remember that these things happen. You’re not the first person this will happen to, and you won’t be the last.
Not a fun subject to tackle, but a necessary one – and one I don’t think many of us are discussing enough. Those are my top tips for the woman I wish I could have helped.
What’s your advice for that time of the month, bellas? I want to hear your stories too!
My embarrassing experience with this happened when I was in high school. I was on a beach, wearing white shorts. No one told me anything, so I didn’t see the stain until I used the restroom. Mortifying moment.
As for stain removal, I’ve long used a product called “Ecover Stain Remover” with much success. Always with cold water. Cold water is your friend in that moment, especially if the stain is fresh.
I’ve been there, on more than one occasion. And due to fibroids my cycles have become even heavier which makes life during that time of the month trickier.
Besides keeping pads and tampons on me at all times, I’ve also added extra underwear and a pair of cotton pants during that time of the month. Previous experiences have proved this to be smart for me.
Me. White pants. Seventh grade. Nobody was home except my best friend’s DAD, and he so graciously got a pair of her jeans and brought them to me. I was eternally grateful. I’m also one of those people who can’t track, it is absolutely pointless, so I steer clear of light colored pants until I’m just coming off and pray for the best. God bless that child…
Hmm..try starting your period during a yoga class. Yep.
My arsenal? Black pants, layers, and Always Infinity. They are the best pads I have used. Ever. They live up to the hype. Also, for cleaning, try LA’s Totally Awesome Cleaner. Greatest spray on stuff ever.
Poor lady…I won’t even get into the irritation of having to even be embarrassed by something that virtually all female bodies do…that’s another soapbox for another time.
I HATE my period. Natural or not, it’s a pain. I went on the pill back to back and now I only have my period every 6 months and I get to pick the time, most of the time, it can still be a little tricksy. At first, I had a little spotting, but now, nothing for months and months. Bliss! You don’t have to have special BC for this (though there are some brands approved for it) your doc can prescribe any pill to be taken without placebo pills off label. 🙂 Hope that helps someone!
I’m going to take this opportunity to talk up menstrual cups, which have been my savior. I feel like everyone who successfully switches to them becomes some MC Evangelist, but seriously, I do not think I would ever go back to regularly using pads or tampons. I keep them in case of emergency (and for friends who use them), but not normally.
For anyone who doesn’t know, a menstrual cup is a silicone cup that is inserted vaginally to catch blood. You push it out using your pelvic floor muscles, dump it, wash it, and reinsert. It is reusable, although you can buy disposable ones as well. There are a few brands out there, the one I use is Diva Cup.
I may not remember to come back to this post in case people have questions, so here are my main pros and cons:
Pros:
-Saves money in the long run (for me at least) – If the MC is well taken care of, it can last for up to five years.
-More environmentally responsible (less pads and tampons in the landfill)
-Long lasting – you can keep a cup ‘in’ for up to twelve hours at a time, so unless you have a very heavy flow, you don’t need to worry about changing at work/at night/etc
-Comfortable – When you have the right size and insert it properly, it should be nearly undetectable, similar to a tampon. No, you won’t feel blood ‘swishing’ around in there.
-Space efficient – I keep mine in my underwear drawer between uses, but it is super easy to bring along on trips, etc.
-Peace of mind – Once I got the hang of my MC, I am practically leak free. I wear pantiliners to be safe, but at this point, I’m coasting. Even when I work out or wear it to bed.
-No diaper pads or cotton shoved up into your vagina – Score!
Cons:
-High upfront cost (I think most retail for around $40 USD? I got mine for less from Amazon)
-One size does not always fit all – I was lucky and got the right size on the first try, but that doesn’t *always* happen. Reading reviews online helps.
-Kind of gross – Some people say this is the cleanest period management method, but you have to be okay with hand-to-vag action, similar to if you use applicator-free tampons. Sometimes there’s blood, but once you get the hang of it, the mess is pretty minimal.
-Not as ‘incognito’ – While you only have to replace it every twelve hours, the fact that you’re supposed to wash it out in a sink between insertions means you probably can’t mess with it in a public restroom.
-Learning curve – the biggest obstacle. The directions say to give yourself 2-3 cycles to really get it right. It took me quite a few tries before I could insert it properly on the first try. If it isn’t in properly, it may be uncomfortable and it could leak. It gets frustrating – and be sure to keep some pads and tampons around just in case – but now that I have it down, I’m not going back.
hydrogen peroxide creates a chemical reaction that will raise blood stains away from fabric. lots of girls know this trick, but i didn’t learn this one until i was mid-30’s. pour, or preferrably spray onto the area and wipe away with dry paper towel; keep repeating until most of it is gone and then you can run it under cold water to remove anything remaining.
I used menstrual cups for a while, but it ended up being a lot more hassle for me than useful. And it still leaked or got blood on the underside – ended up being way more messy than a pad. It’s certainly an option though.
Always Infinity RULES me. An OB super, with Infinity as backup got me thru 7 hours of the first Obama Inauguration, on my 2nd day of my cycle ( tidal wave city)
Within the last year, I have discovered Diva Cup. I had tried various earlier prototypes over the years, and they all disappointed but this? LOVE
Co-sing peroxide. I use to buy a period wash at Walgreens, until i figured out it was just peroxide, with a little borax and fragrance. They can miss me with that, when I can get giant bottles of peroxide 2/$3!
For those looking for green, eco-friendly options http://www.yolisgreenliving.com/2011/06/15/greening-your-menstrual-cycle/ If I am going to tampons, I opt for organic.
Always Infinity are THEE BEST…One of the worst feelings about pads is when you go pee, and pull your pants up…and because the pad is damp, its gotten cold. *fights the air*…The Infinity pads don’t do that and you can barely tell its even on. They are well worth the extra few dollars.
I’ve tried green and eco friendly and they’ve not had the durability and quality I require for my flow. Will check your post though, thanks Yoli!
Have you all tried Gladrags as a substitute. I try and balance between this is disposal pad, just to reduce my waste. I use the reusable pads on light days. They are easy to clean.
I am an OB girl, all the way.
I tried menstrual cups as well and I couldn’t get the hang of it. I just felt uncomfortable. But, I did want a more green approach for that time of the month so, I use reusable cloth pads from Party in My Pants (I love the name, lol). They are WAY more comfortable than the “regular” pads, really thin, and come in many different colors/patterns. Half the time I forget that I’m even wearing anything. They are a bit costly (~$13/pad) but, I think that the price is very worth it. The only con is that they aren’t super comfortable when you’re working out so, I may have to start using organic tampons for those times. I haven’t used a “regular” pad in over a year and I don’t miss them at all.
1. I guess getting cramps before is not so bad, you know its coming. I am unsure how a 30 something woman didn’t know what was happening, but blaming the victim is not my goal. Go to the restroom, rinse the skirt with cold water and soap, do a quarter turn and have the wet stain on your hip. if possible go home and change, thank God you are not Christina Aguilera so at least the free word can’t goolge pictures.
I have been blessed with a fairly light and insanely (cramp free!!!) regular period. That said, I had my own embarrassing moment in 7th grade…had to tie a jacket around my waist. 🙁
Day 2 of Flo’s visit is always the heaviest and trickiest – I swear by OB and check/change every 4 hours, like clockwork. Once, I was in a 5 hour meeting while on my 2nd day…I was sweating bullets, praying my tampon didn’t fail me.
I can remember the embarrassing ‘red day’ accidents quite a few times. Some friends had the graciousness to let me know, and some times I just felt it. I wear black color pants, wear in layers, like a spandex working out shorts underneath the pants besides wearing my underwear. So far, I find Always maxi (for sizes 14+) helpful during heavy days. I don’t use tampons as I tend to forget and leave it too long, don’t think it’s healthy that way.
Yes! I’ve been using a Diva Cup since last December, and it has made me not dread my cycle anymore. I still have to us the heavy duty products (super tampon) on my worst days, but it’s such a relief to no longer be surprised or overwhelmed.
Cleaning tip… Force stains out the way they came in. In other words, turn your garment inside out to clean the stain. That way, you’re not forcing the stain deeper in the fabric. Hints by Heloise. Double points if you know who that is 🙂
I love menstrual cups! I’ve been using one since college and I won’t go back to pads or tampons. While you should wash it out every 12 hours, I am a heavy bleeder, so I often have to dump and replace during work or in a public bathroom – I just bring a wet paper towel in the bathroom with me, pull out the cup, dump, quick wipe and right back in it goes.
And I love the fact that mine will last for years and it saves me a ton of money.
Funny you should mention this because the last video i posted on my blog was about something similar. Someone was sitting at a business meeting with a french fry dangling off her lip and nobody said anything smh Lol
As the husband to a pre-menopausal wife and father to a daughter who will get her period before I know it, I really appreciated this post. I have a few app ideas to shae with my wife, and I’m better prepared for the day when my daughter inevitably gets the visit from Aunt Flo.
I know! I know!
^^^^^THIS ALL DAY!
I haven’t tried Infinity yet (cheap) but I see I’m might have to suck it up. *LOL*
Honey, I have fibroids and i”m also at the age where it may just show up (late 40’s). This month it was 1 week early. What i do is have always overnight (wrapped in purple plastic) in my desk at work, keep two in my bag and keep an ample supply at home. Because I have periods that are so heavy I mean I think I need a blood transfusion, here is the BEST thing ever to keep my clothes and besheets at home blood free. Here it is…Depends. Let me tell you, they have been a GODSEND! I’m ready to puchase stock in the company. They protect you like nobody’s business AND no one knows you have them on. Best backup to a pad if you bleed heavily. You can wear one all day like underwear and just change your pad. I swear, it’s beautiful. I don’t wear white anymore because I just can’t take the chance…
Where do I start? Which story should I tell? 1. A major leak during school assembly. A large red patch on the gym floor. 2. Blood stain on chairs at school 3. 2nd daytime date with a guy in the park – I was wearing black leggings and this other guy was looking at me with a weird shock horror smile on his face and I was wondering whats up with him. I look down and notice a red patch around the FRONT of my leggings. Ooooh! Thank God I had a denim jacket I quickly tied it around my waist whilst distracting my date and ended that date quick.
Same here! High school and white shorts – but I was in the classroom. Wanted to crawl under a rock! No one pointed out my issue, either! I always vowed to tell any other woman I saw with that going on what was going on, regardless of the embarassingness of it!
Mine was way recent, imagine being at the age when flow ought to be gone, or going and needing the kiddos to walk behind u. hydrogen peroxide sprayed on before the wash as a pretreat will take or right on out.
That is horrible. I have been there before, heck as you said majority of us have. I vividly remember this happening in high school. I was just getting out of basketball practice and flo stopped in to say hello. I was truly unprepared and had to ride the bus home with no aid & assistance around with the other athletic players. As you can imagine it was a horrible ride home with me trying to be as still as possible and very embarrassed when I got up to get off. One of the worst days of my high school life. I keep a pad & tampon in bag & car so I can never leave home without it.
Oh gosh… Hope this doesn’t sound bad but, I am glad I am not alone in my period trauma. Something happened to me recently that NEVER happened before. And well, let’s just say changing into scrubs (and therefore wearing my regular clothes to and from work)is finally something I am grateful for!
Great topic, I know it’s off your normal course but I’m sure people learned. Last week while teaching a hair class I got to have the awkward conversation with a young women. While teaching I noticed her issue. I escorted her to the bathroom and took her pants to be washed.
She was mortified so I helped to calm her as much as I could.
Side Note: While I’m happy to have never personally had this issue I’m sightly jealous that these ladies clearly don’t have the cramping issues I have, lol.
This has reminded me of a time in high school when I took public transport and when the van stopped a lady stood up and alighted. On the seat where she had been there was a small puddle of red. I just stared at in in embarrassment, at that age you are so sensitive, I used to feel like it was a big female secret. And then the conductor(a man) in the van asks ME to wipe it away. I was shocked and my mother who was there said No. For context this was in a rural area in Kenya and maybe the lady had forgotten or was unaware but it’s also possible that she could not afford to buy feminine products. This is actually a huge issue for girls and women from poor communities. Many actually have to miss school during that time of the month. There are several charities that provide support to help these girls not fall behind in their lessons.
On another note, what an informative post. I especially like the app suggestions. I used to keep an emergency supply but stopped. Time to start again. I like the idea of having spare underwear as well. I also second the suggestion of thinking carefully about what you wear at that time. There are times I have opted for darker colored clothes just because I was afraid of such an accident happening.
I remember being paranoid as a teenager that this situation would happen to me. Thankfully it never did!
Was taught about the Peroxide when a teen, have never heard of the above mentions but with my daughter now starting I appreciate the new information – Thanks!
My recommendation is that if you’re not trying to get pregnant then why even have a period? When I was on the pill I started skipping the sugar pills. When I used the ring, I started replacing it immediately. There is no medical reason for having period according to most docs.
I use Mirena birth control which has an effect of either (A)period decreasing significantly (# of days and amount) or (B) period stopping for good. The first time I got Mirena my period immediately disappeared forever and it was the best five years of my life. But I had some lag time between getting the second one (due to insurance mix up) so I went back on the pill and damn near lost my mind! I forgot how expensive OB tampons were plus cramps and remembering to take a damn pill every day…whew! Now with the second Mirena being in for a year I’m basically down to a period maybe one day a month if that much with 15 minutes of being uncomfortable.
I can remember going shopping with a friend in her new car and when I got out of the car i noticed a great big stain on the seat. I was absolutely mortified and the only way to deal with a situation like that is too just confront it and deal with it. We laugh about it now but I was so embarrassed at the time.
Haven’t read all the responses. But if you have a blood stain peroxide and then cold water is the best bet of getting it out. I’m a nurse and we have to wear white pants…we get blood from patients on our pants and immediately grab some peroxide…it’s like magic. I keep some on hand at home just in case I have an accident
Love this article. I always wear shape wear during that “time”. It makes me feel so much more secure. I’m gonna try those apps so I can try to get my emotions under control. My family will be thankful.
Shout advanced brush gel is a stain removing savior. It will clean dried blood on white fabric and leave no trace. I have been using it for years. They don’t sell it many places. I believe they are phasing it out.
Peroxide is FANTASTIC for clothes….Alway Infinity is by far the best pas.
I second menstrual cups. These work great!
I’ve been using these for a long time. I’m not much of a heavy person myself but they work wonders. Usually when I’m in the bathroom, I need to wash them out and then I’m ready to go!
Tana
This is my worst nightmare. I’m so paranoid of this happening and thank god I’ve never had to experience this!!!
Great subject and tips everyone. This could save people a lot of heartache. No reason to live in fear!!
Thanks for the advice! My most awkward incident with this happened when I was in college. I was wearing white pants: (
girl, yes! my best friend gave me an infinity pad once and i never went back to anything else. LOVE IT!!!
Ladies, I tell you what’s embarrassing: When Aunt Flo comes to visit when you are having relations. (hangs my head in shame)
The first time it happened was in college. I was mortified. The fellow was a gentleman and didn’t act grossed out in the least. I cried in the shower though, and offered to do his laundry. He said not a problem.
It happened again a few months ago with my husband. I was mortified again. We’ve been married for 12 years so he has seen everything. He told me not to worry. I felt my lip trembling. I cried in the shower again.
It’s just embarrassing! Argh! Sometimes I don’t like being a girl!
I switched to a MC and cloth pads years ago and haven’t looked back. My husband even prefers this to the disposable stuff. This one change led to becoming more in tune with my body and less concerned about the ick factor. As girls we are taught to hide our cycles and be ashamed that this happens to us but that mentality was no more when I made the switch. Like it was said before there is a learning curve and you have find the size and brand that works for you, but if you can do it you will be amazed at how you will start making changes in other aspects of your life.
For me it went from choosing to use a MC to hacking off my fro and rocking the super short faux hawk (still natural though), to tracking my cycles and knowing how my body behaves during each phase of it, to having a homebirth this past April and now cloth diapering and using all natural baby care products. The self awareness and empowerment that came from each new taboo being conquered has left me and my husband feeling limitless in our marriage and our fledgling parenting abilities.
As a black woman I am so often insulted by other black women who think me to be “a hippie ” or “acting white ” by my natural earth friendly choices but I tell you ladies these choices have done nothing but make me more confident. The small step to go against the grain with my choice to us a MC as a young 20 somethimg totally opened the door for me to become the awesome free thinking 30 something I am today.
It just takes one small step out of your comfort zone. 🙂
That explains why OxyClean works so well! I’ve been using that, with great success.
I tried those Apps but being that I suffer from a hormone imbalance my cycle is never consistent like it use to be. I wear lineers on a daily basis, when I start to get a Migraine and back spasm’s I start packing my pads in my purse. Thankfully I never flow hard the first day just a few spots so that keeps me from having any accidents.
I’m in my early 40’s and thanks to the MyCycle app, Always Overnights, and my own body (it starts off light, and by day 2 and 3 its like a crime scene. Day 4 it lightens back up and day 5 it’s sneaking out) I keep pads in my bag. I also have friends and co-workers with heavy flows, so I let them know what’s up and they bring me a towel to sit on.
I just learned about the peroxide this year (DUH!) and I use that on the stain and then rinse with cold water, and then use soap and water. Comes out beautifully. Luckily I have all of my menstrual accidents at home unfortunately on the furniture or bed sheets, or pajamas. The only snarky comments and jokes come from my husband and I’ll just deal with him accordingly. LOL
That Depends idea and shapewear sounds like a FANTASTIC idea!
I am a staunch period hater. My period has embarrassed me since it started (11 years-old) and it continues to do so thirty years later and has increased its propensity to do so. I’ve always wanted to be one of those girls or women who could simply use a pad or tampon for a few days and then it’s over. That has never been the case with me. My period has never been regular, easily tracked or predictable. About ten years ago, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. It explained my incredibly infrequent periods, why I couldn’t lose weight, and why I’m a Type II diabetic now. My periods are not the slight annoyance for me that it can be for most women. My period is an odyssey. It is so heavy, it launches me into anemia. It is so heavy, I sometimes think I am bleeding to death. It makes me so weak and tired I can sleep all night and doze off brushing my teeth the next morning. Without the benefit of the birth control pill, my period would flow (as it has before)for more than eight weeks at a time. Using the bathroom to change my products is akin to preparing for a climb of Mt. Everest and requires a crime scene clean-up team afterwards. Some of you travel with cleansing cloths and extra underwear. I travel with a mop, Clorox, and a haz-mat suit. 🙂
I would like to know more about the organizations that help support girls and women who can’t afford their products. I’d like to raise awareness and help with that. May I contact you?
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